Sickness is a part of life. I’m not sure why people act like you’ve done something wrong or that it is your fault when you get sick. Everyone gets sick. No one lives their life in a constant state of sicklessness–no flu, no colds, nada, ever. Think about it. No one lives this reality. So, why do we get upset when we get sick? It is what it is. And for many of us, it will pass.
But the questions asked of sick persons and statements made to sick persons reveal this mentality of blaming the person who is sick for being sick.
“Are you stressed?”
“Have you been taking your vitamins?”
“What have you been eating?”
“You need to relax. Take some vacation time.”
We all get sick at some point or another. Some of us, more often and longer than others. Some of us have so few “healthy” days it is agonizing.
It’s really a form of victim blaming, I think. The person who is sick does not want to be sick and is probably doing everything they feel they can to get well.
I mean, try telling a pastor to relax and take it easy when it’s Friday and Sunday is coming. We don’t get sick Sundays. Okay? I got sick Wednesday and I preached Saturday. It’s just how things work. And I don’t think I am being bad to myself or my body by doing so. I took Thursday off, even though I had things I needed to be doing at the church. I missed a whole day of vacation bible school! So, I’m doing my best here, but my best includes preaching anyway.
And what about folks who have chronic illnesses?
(One of the topics at vacation bible school this week was how we treat people when they’re sick, specifically sick for a long time. Amazing how relevant the curriculum is getting!)
Let me just tell you now, we don’t know how to treat folks who are chronically ill. Most of us don’t, at any rate. I was made aware of this by a friend at church whose daughter has a chronic illness. She told me that folks kept asking her how her daughter was doing and if she was getting better. My friend looked at me with tired eyes and said, “They just don’t get it. This isn’t going to go away. She’s always going to be fighting these battles.”
And she’s totally right. I didn’t get it. I’m so glad I had this conversation with her because I kept thinking that there would be a day when she would be better. I kept waiting to hear good news. But good news is relative. And now, having walked my own journey with health and healing, I have my own versions of good news.
For me, good news is a day when my skin doesn’t itch.
Good news is a day when my stomach isn’t gurgling to distraction.
Good news is a normal bathroom visit.
Good news is a day when I choose good-all-the-way-down foods, instead of feeling confined by my cravings. (I almost always crave foods that will make me sicker.)
In my case, with some of these symptoms, there are absolutely things I can do to help myself heal and get better. HOWEVER, this does not mean that I am at fault for my illness overall. Blame helps no one. In my humble opinion.
When you ask me if I am better and then act surprised that I answer no, it makes me feel as though I should be better. And yes, I am fully aware that I do not look sick most of the time when I am sick. I often look more radiant, I think, because I am usually flushed and glow a bit from the slight fever.
This is me, sick:
Looks can be deceiving.
So, maybe next time I say I am not feeling well, you can just ask if I would like a hug. 🙂
And for any of you who would like one, here’s a virtual one –> (((HUG)))
P.S. Asking “How are you feeling?” is totally good with me! It’s the reacting as if I should be better or should not be sick that is the problem. Just fyi. 🙂
Searching For Health And Healing Through Food 