Stop Asking If I Am Better

Sickness is a part of life. I’m not sure why people act like you’ve done something wrong or that it is your fault when you get sick. Everyone gets sick. No one lives their life in a constant state of sicklessness–no flu, no colds, nada, ever. Think about it. No one lives this reality. So, why do we get upset when we get sick? It is what it is. And for many of us, it will pass.

But the questions asked of sick persons and statements made to sick persons reveal this mentality of blaming the person who is sick for being sick.

“Are you stressed?”
“Have you been taking your vitamins?”
“What have you been eating?”
“You need to relax. Take some vacation time.”

We all get sick at some point or another. Some of us, more often and longer than others. Some of us have so few “healthy” days it is agonizing.

It’s really a form of victim blaming, I think. The person who is sick does not want to be sick and is probably doing everything they feel they can to get well.

I mean, try telling a pastor to relax and take it easy when it’s Friday and Sunday is coming. We don’t get sick Sundays. Okay? I got sick Wednesday and I preached Saturday. It’s just how things work. And I don’t think I am being bad to myself or my body by doing so. I took Thursday off, even though I had things I needed to be doing at the church. I missed a whole day of vacation bible school! So, I’m doing my best here, but my best includes preaching anyway.

And what about folks who have chronic illnesses?

(One of the topics at vacation bible school this week was how we treat people when they’re sick, specifically sick for a long time. Amazing how relevant the curriculum is getting!)

Let me just tell you now, we don’t know how to treat folks who are chronically ill. Most of us don’t, at any rate. I was made aware of this by a friend at church whose daughter has a chronic illness. She told me that folks kept asking her how her daughter was doing and if she was getting better. My friend looked at me with tired eyes and said, “They just don’t get it. This isn’t going to go away. She’s always going to be fighting these battles.”

And she’s totally right. I didn’t get it. I’m so glad I had this conversation with her because I kept thinking that there would be a day when she would be better. I kept waiting to hear good news. But good news is relative. And now, having walked my own journey with health and healing, I have my own versions of good news.

For me, good news is a day when my skin doesn’t itch.

Good news is a day when my stomach isn’t gurgling to distraction.

Good news is a normal bathroom visit.

Good news is a day when I choose good-all-the-way-down foods, instead of feeling confined by my cravings. (I almost always crave foods that will make me sicker.)

In my case, with some of these symptoms, there are absolutely things I can do to help myself heal and get better. HOWEVER, this does not mean that I am at fault for my illness overall. Blame helps no one. In my humble opinion.

When you ask me if I am better and then act surprised that I answer no, it makes me feel as though I should be better. And yes, I am fully aware that I do not look sick most of the time when I am sick. I often look more radiant, I think, because I am usually flushed and glow a bit from the slight fever.

This is me, sick:

 

Looks can be deceiving.

So, maybe next time I say I am not feeling well, you can just ask if I would like a hug. 🙂

And for any of you who would like one, here’s a virtual one –> (((HUG)))

 

P.S. Asking “How are you feeling?” is totally good with me! It’s the reacting as if I should be better or should not be sick that is the problem. Just fyi. 🙂

It Started With My Skin

I have severe skin issues. I call it that because it’s been labeled psoriasis and eczema, depending upon which doctor I was seeing. It manifests itself in a great variety of ways, as itchy blisters on my fingers and the palms of my hands, as itchy bumps on my chest-back-scalp, or as severe red-dry-raised-itchy patches on my shoulders-chest-face. I have had such symptoms for as long as I can remember…from embarrassing bandages all over my palms and fingers to cover my bursting itchy-blisters in fifth grade (and being made fun of for this) to my Mom telling me stories about being an infant and having red patchy skin, my skin issues have been with me.

However unpleasant this may seem, my current health concerns stretch beyond these unsightly, uncomfortable skin issues. When I was in my early twenties, I began suffering from abdominal pain. I went through a series of tests and doctor appointments to finally be told that I had hemorrhagic (blood-filled) cystitis on my ovaries that would come and go and that, basically, I would just have to suffer through them unless they got really bad and then … well, I don’t know what they would do, because I was determined to suffer through them. (I know now the best way to deal with the piercing pain is to remember to keep BREATHING. When I first started having pain, I would hold my breath until it passed. Bad idea. The pain is much more endurable when I remember to breathe.)

Several years later, I had a gastrointestinal virus in October. It was the most sick I have ever been, still to this day. After this havoc-wreaking event that befell my body, my gut has never been the same. All of a sudden, there was incessant gurgling in my stomach and abdomen. At times my stomach visibly vibrated from the gurgling. To spare you some details, let’s just say there were other embarrassing and unpleasant symptoms. As February came to pass, these symptoms persisted, so I went to the doctor. She told me to walk more, eat more yogurt and rice and I should be fine. I did these things. Nothing changed. In fact, the yogurt made things WORSE. (I now attribute this to the sugar and, perhaps, a dairy allergy that has been hiding from me).

Now, almost four years later, and various other doctors having a go at my intestinal issues, little has changed. It may seem like I’m complaining about a trifle, but this trifle infects almost every moment of every day for me. These symptoms–all of them, the skin and the gut issues–are constant companions, constant distractions. This trifle gut issue makes eating a miserable experience. What will this food do to me? How will my gut react to it? Will I suffer for having eaten this? Will I have pain? Will I break out and itching symptoms worsen? There is little rhyme or reason to my body’s reactions to various foods.

In recent months, I have begun to despair. I am tired of doctors. They’re not bad, by any means! We need doctors! I just don’t think that they are as in tune with my body as I am. I think that the issues I am having are connected to the food I am consuming. I think it’s time for me to listen to my own body. I think it’s time to take care of these things in a grass-roots type of way, bottom up change–change that starts with ME. It’s time to listen to my inner wisdom and maybe even pray (a.k.a. listen) for guidance.

Over the past couple of years I have been on a bit of a roller coaster of trying to heal myself by eating differently. Each time I start out with a plan, prepare well, but then when I am feeling overwhelmed with work-school-marriage-family-friends-etc, the best laid plans fall to pieces. So, I figure, why not share my story? Why not make public this struggle for health and healing (of my gut) so as to feel accountable to someone besides myself? Even if no one reads this, I think I will still feel an obligation to update this blog, to keep track of my progress, to lay bare my struggles each day, if for no other purpose than my own processing and reflection.

So, it begins. My slightly-restrained (I will spare you some of the sordid details) online account of my journey, my searching, for health and healing through food (and the occasional low-impact workout). I hope by sharing my story, I might help someone else with their story.

-Maggie

(Me on a good skin day…)