Warning: This post contains frank and open discussion about menstruation, ovulation and fertility. If this makes you uncomfortable, please navigate to one of my other posts that have more agreeable things in them, like yummy recipes! Here’s one to get you started!
In good fiction, you do not introduce a character in the initial part of the story unless that character is going to be a crucial one throughout the story. I don’t know if you noticed, but in my very first blog post, I mentioned having hemorrhagic (blood-filled) cystitis on my ovaries, but I did not incorporate this detail into the conversation other than to state that it was the cause of some abdominal pain. I included this detail to show that, in fact, I do believe in using doctors and when something is wrong, I do go to them and get things diagnosed, if that is possible. However, now I am going to pick back up this ovary issue and weave it into the next big health issue that I have discovered:
Fertility issues.
I suppose some of you will tell me that I am just being impatient. Others will tell me that just because it’s been a year does not mean that I will never get pregnant. Some of you will tell me to relax, to take a vacation, to stop trying so hard and it will happen. Don’t worry. Be happy!
If you have something like that to say, keep it to yourself. I’ve heard it. I’ve considered it. I’m moving on.
Here’s the thing. The partner and I have been trying for a year. Casual-like. Nothing strenuous. No alarms telling us to go running because it’s my fertile window. Nothing like that. Basically, we’re just letting whatever happens, happen!
Then, through a friend who was seeing a doctor, getting hormone treatments, the WORKS to try and get pregnant, I discovered that I do have at least one fertility issue: most of my cycles are not long enough.
When I say “cycle” this is what I’m talking about: from day 1 of period to day 1 of the next period is the amount of time that the egg has to develop, rupture, get fertilized and get down to the uterus and implant. These things move slowly. This whole process needs AT LEAST 28 days to accomplish the task and upwards of 32 days would be better.
My average cycle is 26 days.
Now do you see why I have a fertility issue?
Some of my cycles are long enough, but only 1/4 of them are. This cuts the probability of getting pregnant down quite a bit. I’m pretty bummed about this. Honestly, I just thought that having a menstrual cycle, popping out eggs–and all that–was my birthright as a woman. And now I find out that it’s not. It’s a hit to my ego, but perhaps more profoundly, it’s a hit to my identity.
I had always thought that as a woman I had a choice regarding having children. For the longest time, and in fact even when I got married (the partner wanted nothing to do with children!), I chose to not have kids. Until the day I changed my mind, of course. Not having the choice to have or not have kids is a bigger deal than I would’ve imagined.
And it is eating me up inside.
My depression is coming back with a vengeance.
But this time, it’s gonna hear me roar.
(Yes, I am referencing Katy Perry. Don’t hate me because I love her music!)
I will not let it take me down. I’ve got an arsenal of tools to use to combat my particular form of depression and I am actively using said tools! 🙂
Point of this story: I believe that healing my gut through food is one piece to this puzzle of infertility. I will be blogging about what I am eating, why I am eating it and my struggle to stay motivated, stay physically active, and stay spiritually centered. Whew! What a task! 🙂
Searching For Health And Healing Through Food 