A High-Risk Pregnancy?

During my routine prenatal session with my midwife, I discovered that simply because of my height and weight, I will be labeled a “high-risk pregnancy.” At the time, I was not a bit phased by this. I know that the BMI charts were created by insurance companies who are experts on health and would know what a healthy weight and height combination is, of course (sarcasm). My midwife wasn’t the least bit concerned because I told her what my diet looks like and my recent weight loss (roughly 50lbs over the past 2 years). My reply was simply, “Well that means insurance will pay for more tests, right?” and then I laughed. I was genuinely not phased because I know that the BMI charts are a result of a bunch of fat-prejudiced white guys who decided that skinny is better. Whatever. I’m long since over it.

But then…

I called to make an ultrasound appointment and ended up nearly in tears.

To make a long story short, the woman trying to help me schedule my ultrasound heard the words “high-risk pregnancy” and referred me to the only place that does high-risk pregnancy ultrasounds, which severely limited my ability to schedule an ultrasound at a reasonable time and place. Now granted, this was a miscommunication because I have never made an appointment like this on my own and I wasn’t sure how the heck to read the order that had been printed. Also, the woman was asking for information that wasn’t labeled the way she was asking for it. So, I do not blame her for trying to be helpful with the information she had been able to gather from me.

The problem here is that this “high-risk” label caused unnecessary strife for me and my midwife and every other person I subsequently called, nearly crying. (I was frustrated and just wanted to see my baby and do as my midwife needed me to do.)

You see, I spent the next hour and a half trying to get ahold of my midwife and trying to figure out if there really was only one location that I could get an ultrasound done. I got ahold of her, thank goodness. She was lovely and patient and straight up said the information I had gleaned was wrong. (Yay!)

I finally got ahold of the right place and the right person and left out the “high-risk” label while scheduling the ultrasound (for fear that I would get transferred to the wrong place, again) and I got my ultrasound scheduled! It’s today, by the way. 🙂

So, all this to say…LABELS SUCK.

It literally says on my chart: “Obesity complicating pregnancy”

Um, seriously? I’m obese? Since when is a size 12 obese?? Granted I’m not a size 12 through the middle right now, but I’m making a friggin’ person in there so I get a pass.

Here’s a pic of pre-preggers me if you’re looking for a reference point.

The high-risk label really did come as a surprise to me. I figured if the midwife talked to me about my diet and whatnot, she could take the label off. Not the case, it seems. It is discouraging to have made so many changes, to have seen so many changes, but then for it to come to naught, in a sense, when it comes to medical professionals.

Frankly, you can take your high-risk, obese labels and shove them where the sun doesn’t shine. Because I don’t fit those labels. And I’m sure there are plenty more Moms-to-be that are in the same boat as me.

But I don’t need to prove anything to anyone. I eat highly nutritious foods—lots of fruits and veggies. I feel better than I have since High School. I have healed and am still on a healing path—spiritually, mentally and physically.

I’ll just need to be my own advocate and go into medical environments remembering how far I have come and how much happier my body is these days.

Eat well. Keep moving. Let your body do what it’s going to do and be the shape it’s comfortable being. I’m not about to force myself to try and fit an across-the-board, generic label that doesn’t allow for difference and diversity. Difference and diversity are what make up this world. And it is wonderfully and beautifully made.

A New Health Issue

Warning: This post contains frank and open discussion about menstruation, ovulation and fertility. If this makes you uncomfortable, please navigate to one of my other posts that have more agreeable things in them, like yummy recipes! Here’s one to get you started!

 

In good fiction, you do not introduce a character in the initial part of the story unless that character is going to be a crucial one throughout the story. I don’t know if you noticed, but in my very first blog post, I mentioned having hemorrhagic (blood-filled) cystitis on my ovaries, but I did not incorporate this detail into the conversation other than to state that it was the cause of some abdominal pain. I included this detail to show that, in fact, I do believe in using doctors and when something is wrong, I do go to them and get things diagnosed, if that is possible. However, now I am going to pick back up this ovary issue and weave it into the next big health issue that I have discovered:

Fertility issues.

I suppose some of you will tell me that I am just being impatient. Others will tell me that just because it’s been a year does not mean that I will never get pregnant. Some of you will tell me to relax, to take a vacation, to stop trying so hard and it will happen. Don’t worry. Be happy!

If you have something like that to say, keep it to yourself. I’ve heard it. I’ve considered it. I’m moving on.

Here’s the thing. The partner and I have been trying for a year. Casual-like. Nothing strenuous. No alarms telling us to go running because it’s my fertile window. Nothing like that. Basically, we’re just letting whatever happens, happen!

Then, through a friend who was seeing a doctor, getting hormone treatments, the WORKS to try and get pregnant, I discovered that I do have at least one fertility issue: most of my cycles are not long enough.

When I say “cycle” this is what I’m talking about: from day 1 of period to day 1 of the next period is the amount of time that the egg has to develop, rupture, get fertilized and get down to the uterus and implant. These things move slowly. This whole process needs AT LEAST 28 days to accomplish the task and upwards of 32 days would be better.

My average cycle is 26 days.

Now do you see why I have a fertility issue?

Some of my cycles are long enough, but only 1/4 of them are. This cuts the probability of getting pregnant down quite a bit. I’m pretty bummed about this. Honestly, I just thought that having a menstrual cycle, popping out eggs–and all that–was my birthright as a woman. And now I find out that it’s not. It’s a hit to my ego, but perhaps more profoundly, it’s a hit to my identity.

I had always thought that as a woman I had a choice regarding having children. For the longest time, and in fact even when I got married (the partner wanted nothing to do with children!), I chose to not have kids. Until the day I changed my mind, of course. Not having the choice to have or not have kids is a bigger deal than I would’ve imagined.

And it is eating me up inside.

My depression is coming back with a vengeance.

But this time, it’s gonna hear me roar.

(Yes, I am referencing Katy Perry. Don’t hate me because I love her music!)

I will not let it take me down. I’ve got an arsenal of tools to use to combat my particular form of depression and I am actively using said tools! 🙂

Point of this story: I believe that healing my gut through food is one piece to this puzzle of infertility. I will be blogging about what I am eating, why I am eating it and my struggle to stay motivated, stay physically active, and stay spiritually centered. Whew! What a task! 🙂

This is NOT a Diet

In the sense that “diet” means: Restrict oneself to small amounts or special kinds of food in order to lose weight: “it is difficult to diet in a house full of cupcakes,” then NO, I am most certainly NOT on a diet! I know that diet also means: “The kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats,” but that’s not generally how people use that word and that’s not how people have recently used that word in reference to my new food adventures.

Someone recently said, “Oh, aren’t you doing some new diet thing?” My heart sank.

There are so many deeply rooted issues with diets! One of which is the perceived need for people to diet in order to loose weight. I don’t want to feed that need! I am fat and I will very likely stay that way.

People think that overweight people are just weak and lazy and over-indulgent. Try to let go of that belief because it’s just not true.

(More info about that in an earlier blog post.)

Even at my skinniest I was considered overweight by the height and weight charts (and therefore also my doctors).

So, “fat” is what I have always been, it is part of who I am and it is where I will stay. In fact, I am quite happy to do so! I think I’m rather cute! 🙂

Changing what I am putting into my body is my way of trying to heal my life-long skin issues and my near 5-year intestinal issues through food, rather than doctor prescribed medicine. I am doing it this way for a couple of reasons.

1. Doctors are expensive. Leafy greens are not. And hey, I gotta eat anyway, right?
2. One of my issues is an intestinal issue, therefore, it stands to reason that the food I put into my intestines can have a directly positive, or negative, affect.
3. I have already witnessed that certain foods are “problem” foods for me and the simplest way to take care of this is to just cut it out. This is actually what my doctor told me to do. “Dairy seems to be a problem?” he asked me. I nodded. “Can you cut it out of your diet?” “Sure,” I replied. So, there you go. Doctor’s orders.

So, yes, I am changing what I am eating. However, I am not “on a diet.”

Last year, I tried to change what I was eating as well, to try and heal my gut. However, I thought of myself as going on a diet. I thought things like, “Oh man, I want that, but I can’t have it!” And I think this was the destruction of my efforts to heal my gut through food.

Things are different now. I’m thinking more along the lines of, “I can have that, but I don’t want it because…” and then I fill in the blanks. So, when I see ice cream and think, “Oh man, I want that!” I think to myself, “You can have that, no problem. But do you really want to deal with nausea and running to the bathroom? Is it worth it?” The answer now is no, it’s not worth it and I remind myself that my coconut ice cream is at home in the freezer.

I’m no longer depriving myself through diet and this has helped me keep on going. This blog has also helped me keep eating things that won’t cause nasty health-related side effects. And I am delighted!

I mean, now that I know that dairy and citrus are problematic for me, why eat them? Why suffer for eating dairy products when there are other alternatives? Quite delicious ones, I might add! Why eat citrus if I know it’s going to make me itch and give me a rash on 60% of my skin?

This is step one. Experimenting, observing and eliminating accordingly. Amazingly, when I eliminate foods, I don’t feel deprived, I feel energized! I want to get creative and find something new to create in the kitchen that will satisfy my taste buds and the rest of my body as well! It’s an adventure in creativity and I accept the challenge! 🙂

So, please remember, this is NOT a diet. This is a journey to healing. It is an experiment in following my inner wisdom, my higher power, as it relates to my bodily health and my food.

Tuesday, March 19th, 2013

DAILY SYMPTOM LOG 

SKIN: redness showed no improvement in the morning, but then faded as the day went on; itchy sensation subsided as the day went on; raised patches of dry skin remain; overall shows slight improvement

GUT: nearly imperceptible rumblings; generally normal feeling; REALLY normal bathroom experience! Hooray! 

OTHER: got a slight runny nose & more mucus coating throat after eating the General Tso’s Chicken; general muscle sore/stiff feeling mostly gone; no headache

FOOD: allergen-free cereal, organic strawberries, chia seeds, coconut yogurt; General Tso’s Chicken (pretty sure there’s refined sugar, dairy, eggs and gluten in this stuff, though in small amounts); veggie-mix salad (cucumber, celery, red onion, radishes, black olives, diced garlic, olive oil, apple cider vinegar, mustard, Italian seasoning, powdered onion, sea salt); Raw Greens Massage Salad (olive oil, balsamic vinegar, sea salt, curly green kale, endive, romaine, strawberries, cashews, walnuts, sesame seeds); 1 vanilla cupcake; 2 Mexican Chocolate Cupcakes