The World Lied To Us

The world lied to us. Of this, I am sure.

I grew up believing a number of things that I have since learned are not always true. There is a grey area to these things that no one told me about. I never even got a hint! And at this moment, I’m pretty peeved.

For example, I was taught that if you had sex, then you would become pregnant. Like, easily and quickly. “It only takes one oops,” they scared me into believing. While this may be true for some, as I got into my late 20’s I didn’t need to look far to see numerous friends lamenting their inability to conceive. I grew up thinking that the equation was: sex = baby. Simple and direct. But this just isn’t so for many of us.

I was also taught that if you were sick, the doctor would make you well. While this is true in many cases and has been true for me in the past with certain illnesses, it is not true with my current health struggles.

After all these years of feeling sick pretty much all the time and feeling like my body was functioning at 70% I decided I should go to a doctor, again. Because heaven knows I tried seeing doctors when I first started getting sick, but apparently I wasn’t sick enough or something at the time because all I was told to do was eat rice and more yogurt. This time, I wanted to try to get diagnosed. After my symptoms worsened in recent months, I thought, now is the time.

The diagnosis I received?

Irritable Bowel Syndrome

Sigh. Come on. How is that even a diagnosis? All it means is, “I don’t know what’s wrong with you, I wasn’t able to find anything, so we’ll just call it a syndrome and let you continue to try to cope with this chronic health issue.”

Gee. Thanks.

And don’t even get me started on how much it cost me to get that diagnosis.

I am still convinced that the world lied to me. It lied to me about essential and basic physical processes like eating. I was taught that you can eat whatever food you want and not have it affect you physically. With the exception of smoking and drinking, of course. Oh and try not to have too much caffeine. But that’s it. That’s pretty much the only information the world gives us about food and how it might affect our bodies and how we feel. I think my doctor was taught the same lie because when I told him I changed my diet a couple years ago and many of my symptoms went away, he was genuinely surprised. Not even skeptical. Just straight-up surprised.

It’s time to un-learn the lies.

It’s time to listen my body.

It’s time to follow my inner wisdom and eat what my body says yes to.

Because my mind is all sorts of confused. Try to relax, mind. You take a back seat for now. You can sort this all out later. It’s time to let my body take the lead and listen to that still, small voice of wisdom that is within me.

Maybe the next generation won’t have to un-learn these lies. Maybe we can teach them to see the grey and keep their expectations more realistic. Maybe we can teach them to listen to their inner voice of wisdom when they are young so they can spot the lies from a mile away as they grow up.

 

Disclaimer: I will have an appointment with my doctor to talk treatment in more detail sometime in the near future. The IBS diagnosis is probably correct, though we are waiting on a few lab results before making a final diagnosis. This blog post is merely me processing late at night while my mind is racing and not letting me rest. I appreciate my doctor. I just don’t think he has all the answers for my medical issues. Actually, he has even less answers than I hoped he would which is where my frustration is coming from.

Falling Off The Wagon

There has been a bit of a big pause since my last blog entry. 8 months, to be precise. Oh my! Within that time a lot of things have changed. I moved out of my apartment and into a wonderful house. I met a lovely man as summer was ending last year and by the time spring was just barely peaking its marvelous head around the corner, we were married!

And now, guess what? I’m pregnant! And no, I am not posting a picture of the stick I peed on or a picture of my uterus. You’ll just have to take my word for it. 🙂 The hubs made a joke about how he’s batting 1000. I thought it was hilarious. On a separate occasion, my Dad said, “Nice shot,” which is typical and also hilarious, though I only smiled as if I was slightly amused since I don’t want to encourage the man. HA!

I don’t know if it was all the changes or what, but for about the past month and a half I have been falling off-track of my healing journey. I have been eating things that give me symptoms that make my life less pleasant and make me more grumpy. This on top of the pregnancy just makes me feel out of control and crazy. The hubs says it’s not that bad from where he’s standing, but I feel awful at times and I would really like to change.

In case you’re curious, foods that cause indigestion, headaches and moodiness for me are: bread, sugar (fake or otherwise), dairy products (cheese, sour cream, etc), corn products (like popcorn—OH HOW I LOVE POPCORN), and rice.

Well, my symptoms are back. Skin issues, gut issues, & mental health decline are all upon me. And I tell you what…

I remember now why I chose a different path.

And I am thankful for the divergence from the healing path because it has helped me remember why I choose to eat “weird” and why I take time to shop, cook & meal plan for myself.

I want to live life more fully.

I want to smile really big, with my whole self because I don’t have any nagging itching on my skin, or worries about when the next urge will overtake me and can make it to the bathroom in time?

So, I am getting back in the wagon. I am getting back on the horse. I am making my healing and health a priority, again.

However, I am under no illusion that saying this will magically make my will power return. I have an accountability plan and it involves you. 🙂

Every meal I eat, breakfast, snack or otherwise, will be documented on Instagram from here on out. It might get old for some, but I know lots of folks who post pictures of food on there, so I’m pretty sure I’ll be in good company.

If I have to post on Instagram what I eat, then I will think twice about what I’m choosing to eat instead of ignoring that inner voice of wisdom and driving to Taco Bell anyway. And although it seems like it would be easy to eat something and not post a picture, I won’t hide anything because that feels like lying, which I’m not good at doing.

Feel free to follow me on my healing journey. My Instagram name is dmdbanana 🙂 I will be eating Paleo (scroll down to the “You talk about SCD a lot. What is it and what is the difference between SCD and Paleo?” question) and SCD (Specific Carbohydrate Diet) mostly, perhaps slightly modified since even with these diets most of us still have problem foods among the allegedly “safe” foods on these diets. Every body is different and unique after all! 🙂

Letting Go of Desire

The question that has been with me for some time now is:

How do you let go of desire?

There are a great many things that can and do fall under the umbrella of “desire” such as love, money, education, health, food, physical needs, knowledge, fame, romantic relationship, children, safety, position in life, etc. These are just some possibilities. Really anything that you “want” can also be seen as something you “desire” and that is what I am talking about here.

For me personally, I have recently struggled quite a bit with desire. Specifically, it has been the desire to loose more weight.

Over the past two years, I have lost nearly 40 lbs from doing what this blog talks about–healing my body through food. The weight loss was a side effect of the change in my eating habits. At least, that’s my theory. And yes, I am eating. I’m eating plenty. I promise. A friend recently said, “Wow, you lost weight. You look good, but…I just have to ask…it’s because I care…are you eating?” (Thank you for asking, by the way! I appreciate it! After all the stress of this past year, that is a very valid question!) I’m eating meat, veggies, nuts, honey and fruit 90% of the time. No grains. No starches. No sweeteners–artificial or otherwise. No fried foods. Low on the salt, since I’m cooking it all myself pretty much. The other 10% of the time is when I eat something that I’m craving and then get “sick” as I call it. Basically, my symptoms come back, or start to, and I’m reminded of why I’m eating and living differently in the first place.

Here’s the thing. I never asked to loose weight. It was never a goal and I was intentional about it not being a goal and so, I let go of the desire to loose weight and focused all my energy on symptom elimination and overall wellness improvement.

And it is working! My symptoms are roughly 70% gone. If they’re not gone, they’re lessening or improving in some way. Since I’ve had many of these symptoms for YEARS, I figure it’s going to take time for everything to heal. I just try to make sure I’m eating a wide variety of vitamin rich fruits and veggies. I’m doing pretty good! Just gotta get more leafy greens in there.

Okay, so, enough with the details of what I’m eating and back to desire…

I really wasn’t seeing what other people were seeing until I saw this picture…

Washington D.C. Zoo, May 2009

Yeah, the seal is cute, but it was the tightness of the shirt that got my attention. See those rolls of fat on my side/back? They’ve been significantly minimized. Here’s a pic from today…

And as I look at this picture, I am happy with the change and I most certainly desire for a bit more change, a bit more minimizing, a bit more weight loss.

But here’s the thing. I really, REALLY want to let go of the desire to loss more weight. You know why? Cuz it leads me to be ungrateful and unhappy with the skin I am in now.

That is how I spent most of my life so far: wishing I were in someone else’s skin, or wishing my “me” was different than it was. And I am most certainly DONE wishing I was someone different than who I am.

I’m pretty darn fabulous. Back fat included. 🙂

So, I am just going to keep eating foods that create wellness within my body, keep taking care of myself in that really good way and let go of the desire to loose weight.

I am happy with my body now. It is pretty darn fabulous, what it does for me! And being in the skin I am in, that’s a gift that I treasure. 🙂

I am happy with my health now. It has greatly improved and so I am going to happily continue down this path of wellness and self care!

Besides, ain’t nobody got time for self hate.

Here’s some happy for ya…

Food Experiment Gone GREAT!

A friend of mine recently asked me exactly how one might go vegetarian or vegan. And I totally understood what he was asking for! I mean, it sounds nice to stop eating meat, but there is something about the pleasure seeking part of my brain that really gets a kick out of certain foods–many of which are meat based, or in my case problem food based.

So, step one of my journey towards a more vegetable based diet was in experimenting with food. I googled blogs, recipe websites and bought cook books galore! (There are a lot of good ones on Kindle that are pretty cheap!)

It’s all very overwhelming, though and I seemed to be loosing track of some recipes that I tried and enjoyed. I would stick the print out or the website address somewhere and when I went to make it again, I couldn’t find it! So, I’ve started a binder and am putting all my favorite recipes in it! There’s even a section for partner-approved dishes and fancy dinner party dishes/menus.

Basically, though, the key to switching to plant based over animal based foods was to replace my favorite foods with problem free indulgences, like the Mexican dip I posted about last time. (Check it out here!) It is SO GOOD, especially with Garden of Eatin’s Blue Corn Chips! Something about the crunch of those chips REALLY hits the spot in my brain’s pleasure center! Mmm!

At any rate, one of my favorite foods was grilled cheese! I actually made a really fantastic version of grilled cheese with italian bread (the hardish, dryish white kind) with spicy white cheese, a thin layer of raspberry jelly (homemade by my Mom who goes easy on the sugar) and a thick layer of fresh spinach! I know it might sound weird, but the sweet and savory combination was just perfect!

Well, I recently discovered an amazing gluten-free, dairy-free, low sugar (at least low enough not to give me gut issues) frozen waffles!

I’ve been enjoying them with a big pile of fresh berries!

But then I grabbed some dairy-free sliced and individually packaged cheese that was on sale at Kroger. I’ve been wanting to try it and since it was on sale I thought, now’s the time! So I got home and ate a piece plain. WOW. If I didn’t know that it wasn’t milk based I would not have known! It was a light colored cheese with a spicy jalapeno flavor. It reminded me of the grilled cheese I used to make and then I had an idea!

I made the waffles, melted the cheese on them, added a layer of raspberry jelly and topped it off with fresh spinach (it needed more, I’ll add more next time).

It was exactly like I used to make only better! The waffles have much more flavor to them that the italian bread did! And more omega-3 fatty acid! Oh man, I will be making these again!!!

So, step one of going veggie? Get creative in the kitchen! Use ingredients that are similar to the other ingredients and experiment! If you’re not into experimenting, google some recipes! There are TONS out there!

And remember, don’t tell yourself that you can’t have something, like bread or meat or whatever you’re trying to replace. Of course you can have it! The question is, do you really want it? Now that I know what bread, dairy products and meat products do to me, the environment, etc, I don’t want it. I want sliced strawberries on a bed of leafy greens! And I want to have grown those greens or picked those strawberries from a local farmer!

I am happy to report that my greens have been coming from my church’s greenhouse for the past couple of weeks! (They’re in the picture, actually!) The greenhouse is growing rampant amounts of leafy greens! Spinach, kale, bak choy, and mustard greens! I didn’t think I liked the last three of those until I tasted them fresh and ripe! Mmm-mm!

What food would you miss the most if you were to switch to all plant based foods?

Juice Detox – Results Summary

So, the juice detox was pretty darn interesting! We made it 7 days rather than the full 10, but I really think it still did us a WHOLE LOT of good and helped us become more familiar with plant based eating and the joy of simple recipes!

The first five days we had one juice a day, sometimes two, but we also at really big, tasty salads, smoothies and delightful cooked recipes like veggie soup and sweet potato & carrot “fries”.

The juicing, which started on day 6 (which was Easter & boy was that hard!), was the really difficult part. The eating lots of delicious fruits and veggies part was easy during the first five days. Once day 6 hit, I started rebelling. Day 6 and 7 consisted of only juice and coconut water. A whole lot of it in order to get plenty of calories and not starve one’s self, but still, just liquids hit a sore spot for me emotionally.

I caved at the end of day 7 by having cucumbers with humus. I picked that because I’d been craving humus since the start of the detox! All those fresh veggies and no humus? Seemed insane to me! HA!

I think my partner was as relived as I was to be off the detox, though he didn’t show it. 🙂 He’s a lot stronger than I am when it comes to food. I’m not convinced that he has the pleasure-seeking attachment to it that I do.

One really awesome thing came from this detox, though! It was super easy, once it was over, to stay away from meat and other animal products! I am now an ovo vegetarian! I eat plant-based except for eggs, which I am keeping in my diet, at least for now. I have yet to determine if it is a problem food for me or not. I am hoping not because I’m not convinced I can give up deviled eggs forever!

After the detox, my body has been craving different foods, though my emotions/pleasure seeking brain is craving the same foods! This is the recipe I’ve been turning to when I want something that will make my tummy happy, my skin happy AND my brain happy!

Multi-Layer Mexican Dip

1/2 can refried black beans, seasoned to taste

1/4 container Tofutti (or Firm or Silken tofu, blended in blender with 2 Tbsp Sriracha sauce (red pepper would probably work, too, but use less!) & 2 Tbsp raw honey — You might also need some red wine vinegar or white rice vinegar)

1/4 container salsa of choice (I used Firestone Peace & Mango Salsa that Kroger carries. It’s got a sweetness to it, so if you’re not into sweet salsas, use something else!)

1 green onion/scallion, chopped

1/4 cup fresh cilantro, chopped

First, I open the can of beans and I warm them up in the microwave or stove. I season them to taste with sea salt, pepper, red pepper and other spices. You could also use a pre-packaged Taco Seasoning blend from the store, but be sure to put in part of the package and taste as you go! Otherwise it will be over-seasoned!

If you were unable to find Tofutti at your local grocery store, hopefully you could find some tofu! Break the tofu into pieces and plop it in your blender. Add 1-2 Tbsp Sriracha sauce (Red Pepper would probably work, too. Start with 2 tsp and taste as you go!) and 2 Tbsp raw honey. I used raw, but if you have regular, that’s just fine! If it’s not blending well, you can add 1-2 Tbsp red wine vinegar or white rice vinegar. I started by adding small amounts of these flavorings and tasting as I went until the tofu went from tasting like chalk to tasting spicy-sweet! Oh, and, again, if you don’t like sweet, just use the vinegar and sriracha/red pepper.

Get a big, flat-ish plate or serving dish and spread the beans out in a 1/2 inch or so layer. (Thinner if you prefer, thicker if you prefer!)Then, spread on the Tofutti or homemade Tofu spread. The next layer is the salsa, although sometimes I put it on top, depends on how I’m feeling. Spread the salsa on as thick as you’d like it, though I do just enough to cover the tofu layer. Then, sprinkle the chopped ingredients on top. Ta-da!

I eat these with blue corn chips, which seem to be free of bad reactions for me, yay! But you can eat them with whatever chips you like! I serve this when I have friends coming over last minute or as a dinner appetizer. It is usually DEVOURED before anyone asks what’s in it! 🙂

This mulit-layer dip is HIGHLY customizable! Sometimes instead of salsa, I go more raw with chopped tomatoes and sweet peppers! One time I did red and yellow tomatoes and it was beautiful and delicious!

I hope you enjoy this recipe as much as I do! If you do a different variation, please comment and share what you did differently!

Happy eating!

Juice Detox

Today is day 4 of the Juice Detox “Reboot” that my partner and I have rashly embarked on. It’s going pretty well, considering we jumped into this without realizing how much cooking and cleaning it would require! We’ve been tired, still working our jobs and having to cook and clean more than we used to. Not a great combination.

This has been a challenge, to say the least.

No wonder restaurants and pre-packaged edibles are so popular. I feel like every moment when we’re home we’re cooking or prepping something to cook. It’s really delicious, but I’ve got to figure out some time-saving tricks soon or I might revolt and order a pizza! (I wouldn’t actually, though. Doing this with my partner has really solidified my resolve!)

Here are a few recipes that we’ve made so far that we will likely keep in our “Fave Recipes” section of our recipe box!

Ginger Honey Soy Dressing

2 Tbsp Minced Fresh Ginger

2 Tbsp Minced Fresh Garlic (I used the pre-minced kind)

2 Tbsp Raw Honey

4 Tbsp Soy Sauce (I used my fave gluten-free kind)

4 Tbsp Olive Oil

Puree the first four ingredients in a blender. Add oil slowly until dressing is emulsified. Keeps up to one week in the refrigerator. Though this recipe did not last 3 days in our kitchen! We used it every day! SO good!

Here’s a shot of a beautiful salad (Romaine, Spinach, Tomatoes, Avocado, Orange Pepper) with the ginger dressing:

Here’s a pic of us enjoying our first juice!

Here’s a pic of us enjoying our first smoothie!

Neither of these were our favorites, but they were certainly good!

Here is the recipe for my favorite dinner dish!

Roasted Acorn Squash

1 Acorn Squash

3/4 tsp Sea Salt

1/2 tsp Black Pepper

Olive Oil

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Cut the Acorn Squash in half lengthwise. Scoop out the pulp and seeds and discard. Brush each half with olive oil, then sprinkle with salt and pepper. Arrange cut sides down on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. (If you don’t have parchment paper, I’m sure it would work without it.) Roast the squash until the flesh is tender and the edges are golden brown, approximately 25-35 minutes. Remove from the oven, flip the squash halves over and set aside.

Mushroom Sauté

1/4 tsp Sea Salt

2 Garlic Cloves, minced (I just used a spoonful of pre-minced garlic)

1 lg Portobello Mushroom (chopped)

1 small Onion (chopped)

2 tsp Fresh Sage (finely chopped)

dash Ground Red Pepper

While the squash roasts, heat the olive oil in a medium saucepan over medium high heat. Add the onions and garlic and sauté 2 minutes, or until onions begin to turn translucent. Add the onions and garlic and saute 2 minutes, or until the onions begin to turn translucent. Add the mushrooms, sage, salt, and red pepper and sauté until the mushrooms begin to soften, about 5 minutes. Fill the roasted squash halves with the mushroom mixture and bake again for another 10 minutes.

I actually took the mushroom saute out of the squash after I took the picture because it made it difficult to get the acorn squash onto my fork and NOT spray mushroom bits all over. 🙂 It was SO delicious! The acorn squash are imported from Mexico right now, though, so I will wait to have this again until I can grow my own!I am SO excited about my gardening adventures that are just beginning to sprout. I reserved a plot at my church’s community garden this summer. So many possibilities! I’m sure I’ll be sharing about that adventure, too.

Maybe after this detox I’ll pick back up with writing what I’m eating, what my symptoms are and whatnot, but right now I am just too tired! All of my minutes are spent sleeping, eating or preparing to eat. Or working or doing homework, of course!

“Aren’t You Malnourished?”

I was explaining to a friend of mine that I am trying to eat gluten-free, sugar-free, dairy-free, egg-free and her response was, “Make sure you get enough nutrition!” or something along those lines. I don’t recall what I said in reply because all I remember is my jaw dropping and my mind going blank from shock.

How much nutrition do you think is in gluten, sugar and dairy? What does she suppose I’m eating? Perhaps the foods that she eats all contain these things (before I started this adventure, this was the case of my diet!) and so it was impossible for her to imagine what I am eating.

Many foods that have wheat, dairy and sugar are highly processed foods with little nutritional value and the nutrition that is found there can be found in other foods. By eliminating these things from my diet, I am actually boosting my nutritional intake. For example, I have traded cow milk for almond or coconut milk.

(Here’s more info on why you might want to switch to non-dairy alternatives with me, even if you’re not allergic! I’ve found that I can replace regular milk with coconut milk in boxed mixes and it turns out great! I have tried almond milk less, but it also worked well when I did try it! If you’re making mashed potatoes, rice milk is the way to go! It was particularly DELICIOUS in mashed potatoes! And no one was able to taste a difference!)

If you’re antsy about saturated fat, go with almond milk. It’s the lowest in calories, very low in total fat, has no saturated fat or cholesterol, is highest in calcium next to whole cow milk and is also lowest in carbohydrates and sugar. The drawback with almond milk is that it’s low on protein.

If you’re looking for protein and fiber, go with coconut milk! It’s the lowest in sodium, highest in fiber, almost as high in protein as whole milk, highest in Vitamin C and Iron! (For more details on coconut milk, check here.)

(For a chart with each of these and other milk substitutes compared side by side, check here!)

As for wheat and sugar, what is there that I am really missing out on? Wheat has carbs, fiber, protein and iron. I can get all of those things from other foods. I am getting my carbs and fiber from the fresh fruits and veggies as well as many of the things I’m cooking for myself. As for the protein and iron, I’m not going vegetarian or vegan (yet…), so there is plenty of protein in the meat I’m eating and plenty of iron in the foods I’ve eaten lately as well. Like chickpeas, red beans, red meat, turkey, dark leafy greens, cashews, lentils, parsley, marjoram, etc. (For lists of iron rich foods, check here, here and here. The first link is the most concise.)

Granulate sugar is just sugar. No vitamins, no nutrients beyond sugary carbs. In fact, cutting this out has really impacted how other foods taste! Now that I’ve got it mostly cut out of my diet, I’m finding that my food tastes better! Especially the raw veggies that I never used to like much and would just choke down because I knew they were good for me. So, BONUS!

In addition, it might interest you to know that I take vitamins every day. I take a gummy multi-vitamin (because I can’t stomach the iron that is in most pill form multi-vitamins), Vitamin D3, Vitamin C, and Iron Asporotate. Iron Asporotate is iron that is broken down by other things so that the body can more easily absorb the iron. I can’t handle the regular iron that’s in most multi-vitamins because it makes me nauseated for DAYS. I thought I was pregnant when I first started taking my multi-vitaim! I had to get new ones and the only ones I could find without iron were the gummies. I take extra Vitamin C (there’s also Vitamin C in my multi-vitamin) because I hope it will help boost my immunity and immune system. Plus, my multi-vitamin only has 50% of my daily value and since I’m not eating citrus, I figured it would be quite safe to up my intake.

And just to make this more interesting, did you know that Vitamin C aids in Iron absorption? Did you know that Vitamin D is essential if you are going to absorb any calcium at all? So, while you may be getting iron in a steak or calcium in your milk, you also need the Vitamin C and Vitamin D respectively if you’re interested in getting these things to where they need to go in your body. Crazy, no? With this in mind, did you notice that coconut milk has both Vitamin C and Iron naturally occurring in it? Talk about genius in nature!

In addition to taking vitamins, I am doing my best to eat a variety of raw fruits and vegetables of many different colors! This helps to get a wide variety of vitamins into my body as well as good fiber for healthy digestion and a healthy colon!

So, thank you for your concern, my friend! I appreciate that you are worried about my health! It makes me feel loved. ❤ Perhaps now your worried mind will be less troubled by the lack of nutrition that you feared I was facing. 🙂

DAILY SYMPTOM LOG

SKIN: redness same as yesterday, shows no improvement; itchy sensation remains; raised patches of dry skin remain.

GUT: slight rumblings; generally normal feeling until about 5 o’clock, then there was a medium-intensity bathroom issue & slight gut pain

OTHER: shoulder muscles feel sore/stiff (though improved from yesterday!); general muscle sore/stiff feeling mostly gone; soles of my feet feel tender and sore; no headache (though my head feels tender, as though the headache is lurking); eyes sensitive to light; nose started running after I ate the pizza (no surprise here)

FOOD: Uncle Sam cereal with almond milk (whole wheat grains with flax seed); turkey chili; salad (many types of lettuce, cucumbers, walnuts, raspberry vinaigrette); my own sauerkraut creation with apples, turkey sausage, cooking sherry, apple juice (100% juice) & sucanat (dehydrated cane juice, a.k.a. brown sugar); 3 pieces of pizza; 1 can of Coke Zero; 1 gala apple

I went a bit off the track today, but it’s just going to have to be okay. I’m at school, staying with folks who are trying to cater to my needs (I think they bought almond milk just for me!!) and I am trying to be as grateful and as gracious of a house guest as I can be! Also, I just really wanted to have some pizza and a coke with my fellow students, so I did. [Insert shrug here.] I will be home tomorrow and able to eat with more planning and forethought. A recipe for success! 😀