The World Lied To Us

The world lied to us. Of this, I am sure.

I grew up believing a number of things that I have since learned are not always true. There is a grey area to these things that no one told me about. I never even got a hint! And at this moment, I’m pretty peeved.

For example, I was taught that if you had sex, then you would become pregnant. Like, easily and quickly. “It only takes one oops,” they scared me into believing. While this may be true for some, as I got into my late 20’s I didn’t need to look far to see numerous friends lamenting their inability to conceive. I grew up thinking that the equation was: sex = baby. Simple and direct. But this just isn’t so for many of us.

I was also taught that if you were sick, the doctor would make you well. While this is true in many cases and has been true for me in the past with certain illnesses, it is not true with my current health struggles.

After all these years of feeling sick pretty much all the time and feeling like my body was functioning at 70% I decided I should go to a doctor, again. Because heaven knows I tried seeing doctors when I first started getting sick, but apparently I wasn’t sick enough or something at the time because all I was told to do was eat rice and more yogurt. This time, I wanted to try to get diagnosed. After my symptoms worsened in recent months, I thought, now is the time.

The diagnosis I received?

Irritable Bowel Syndrome

Sigh. Come on. How is that even a diagnosis? All it means is, “I don’t know what’s wrong with you, I wasn’t able to find anything, so we’ll just call it a syndrome and let you continue to try to cope with this chronic health issue.”

Gee. Thanks.

And don’t even get me started on how much it cost me to get that diagnosis.

I am still convinced that the world lied to me. It lied to me about essential and basic physical processes like eating. I was taught that you can eat whatever food you want and not have it affect you physically. With the exception of smoking and drinking, of course. Oh and try not to have too much caffeine. But that’s it. That’s pretty much the only information the world gives us about food and how it might affect our bodies and how we feel. I think my doctor was taught the same lie because when I told him I changed my diet a couple years ago and many of my symptoms went away, he was genuinely surprised. Not even skeptical. Just straight-up surprised.

It’s time to un-learn the lies.

It’s time to listen my body.

It’s time to follow my inner wisdom and eat what my body says yes to.

Because my mind is all sorts of confused. Try to relax, mind. You take a back seat for now. You can sort this all out later. It’s time to let my body take the lead and listen to that still, small voice of wisdom that is within me.

Maybe the next generation won’t have to un-learn these lies. Maybe we can teach them to see the grey and keep their expectations more realistic. Maybe we can teach them to listen to their inner voice of wisdom when they are young so they can spot the lies from a mile away as they grow up.

 

Disclaimer: I will have an appointment with my doctor to talk treatment in more detail sometime in the near future. The IBS diagnosis is probably correct, though we are waiting on a few lab results before making a final diagnosis. This blog post is merely me processing late at night while my mind is racing and not letting me rest. I appreciate my doctor. I just don’t think he has all the answers for my medical issues. Actually, he has even less answers than I hoped he would which is where my frustration is coming from.

Falling Off The Wagon

There has been a bit of a big pause since my last blog entry. 8 months, to be precise. Oh my! Within that time a lot of things have changed. I moved out of my apartment and into a wonderful house. I met a lovely man as summer was ending last year and by the time spring was just barely peaking its marvelous head around the corner, we were married!

And now, guess what? I’m pregnant! And no, I am not posting a picture of the stick I peed on or a picture of my uterus. You’ll just have to take my word for it. 🙂 The hubs made a joke about how he’s batting 1000. I thought it was hilarious. On a separate occasion, my Dad said, “Nice shot,” which is typical and also hilarious, though I only smiled as if I was slightly amused since I don’t want to encourage the man. HA!

I don’t know if it was all the changes or what, but for about the past month and a half I have been falling off-track of my healing journey. I have been eating things that give me symptoms that make my life less pleasant and make me more grumpy. This on top of the pregnancy just makes me feel out of control and crazy. The hubs says it’s not that bad from where he’s standing, but I feel awful at times and I would really like to change.

In case you’re curious, foods that cause indigestion, headaches and moodiness for me are: bread, sugar (fake or otherwise), dairy products (cheese, sour cream, etc), corn products (like popcorn—OH HOW I LOVE POPCORN), and rice.

Well, my symptoms are back. Skin issues, gut issues, & mental health decline are all upon me. And I tell you what…

I remember now why I chose a different path.

And I am thankful for the divergence from the healing path because it has helped me remember why I choose to eat “weird” and why I take time to shop, cook & meal plan for myself.

I want to live life more fully.

I want to smile really big, with my whole self because I don’t have any nagging itching on my skin, or worries about when the next urge will overtake me and can make it to the bathroom in time?

So, I am getting back in the wagon. I am getting back on the horse. I am making my healing and health a priority, again.

However, I am under no illusion that saying this will magically make my will power return. I have an accountability plan and it involves you. 🙂

Every meal I eat, breakfast, snack or otherwise, will be documented on Instagram from here on out. It might get old for some, but I know lots of folks who post pictures of food on there, so I’m pretty sure I’ll be in good company.

If I have to post on Instagram what I eat, then I will think twice about what I’m choosing to eat instead of ignoring that inner voice of wisdom and driving to Taco Bell anyway. And although it seems like it would be easy to eat something and not post a picture, I won’t hide anything because that feels like lying, which I’m not good at doing.

Feel free to follow me on my healing journey. My Instagram name is dmdbanana 🙂 I will be eating Paleo (scroll down to the “You talk about SCD a lot. What is it and what is the difference between SCD and Paleo?” question) and SCD (Specific Carbohydrate Diet) mostly, perhaps slightly modified since even with these diets most of us still have problem foods among the allegedly “safe” foods on these diets. Every body is different and unique after all! 🙂

Stop Asking If I Am Better

Sickness is a part of life. I’m not sure why people act like you’ve done something wrong or that it is your fault when you get sick. Everyone gets sick. No one lives their life in a constant state of sicklessness–no flu, no colds, nada, ever. Think about it. No one lives this reality. So, why do we get upset when we get sick? It is what it is. And for many of us, it will pass.

But the questions asked of sick persons and statements made to sick persons reveal this mentality of blaming the person who is sick for being sick.

“Are you stressed?”
“Have you been taking your vitamins?”
“What have you been eating?”
“You need to relax. Take some vacation time.”

We all get sick at some point or another. Some of us, more often and longer than others. Some of us have so few “healthy” days it is agonizing.

It’s really a form of victim blaming, I think. The person who is sick does not want to be sick and is probably doing everything they feel they can to get well.

I mean, try telling a pastor to relax and take it easy when it’s Friday and Sunday is coming. We don’t get sick Sundays. Okay? I got sick Wednesday and I preached Saturday. It’s just how things work. And I don’t think I am being bad to myself or my body by doing so. I took Thursday off, even though I had things I needed to be doing at the church. I missed a whole day of vacation bible school! So, I’m doing my best here, but my best includes preaching anyway.

And what about folks who have chronic illnesses?

(One of the topics at vacation bible school this week was how we treat people when they’re sick, specifically sick for a long time. Amazing how relevant the curriculum is getting!)

Let me just tell you now, we don’t know how to treat folks who are chronically ill. Most of us don’t, at any rate. I was made aware of this by a friend at church whose daughter has a chronic illness. She told me that folks kept asking her how her daughter was doing and if she was getting better. My friend looked at me with tired eyes and said, “They just don’t get it. This isn’t going to go away. She’s always going to be fighting these battles.”

And she’s totally right. I didn’t get it. I’m so glad I had this conversation with her because I kept thinking that there would be a day when she would be better. I kept waiting to hear good news. But good news is relative. And now, having walked my own journey with health and healing, I have my own versions of good news.

For me, good news is a day when my skin doesn’t itch.

Good news is a day when my stomach isn’t gurgling to distraction.

Good news is a normal bathroom visit.

Good news is a day when I choose good-all-the-way-down foods, instead of feeling confined by my cravings. (I almost always crave foods that will make me sicker.)

In my case, with some of these symptoms, there are absolutely things I can do to help myself heal and get better. HOWEVER, this does not mean that I am at fault for my illness overall. Blame helps no one. In my humble opinion.

When you ask me if I am better and then act surprised that I answer no, it makes me feel as though I should be better. And yes, I am fully aware that I do not look sick most of the time when I am sick. I often look more radiant, I think, because I am usually flushed and glow a bit from the slight fever.

This is me, sick:

 

Looks can be deceiving.

So, maybe next time I say I am not feeling well, you can just ask if I would like a hug. 🙂

And for any of you who would like one, here’s a virtual one –> (((HUG)))

 

P.S. Asking “How are you feeling?” is totally good with me! It’s the reacting as if I should be better or should not be sick that is the problem. Just fyi. 🙂

Food Experiment Gone GREAT!

A friend of mine recently asked me exactly how one might go vegetarian or vegan. And I totally understood what he was asking for! I mean, it sounds nice to stop eating meat, but there is something about the pleasure seeking part of my brain that really gets a kick out of certain foods–many of which are meat based, or in my case problem food based.

So, step one of my journey towards a more vegetable based diet was in experimenting with food. I googled blogs, recipe websites and bought cook books galore! (There are a lot of good ones on Kindle that are pretty cheap!)

It’s all very overwhelming, though and I seemed to be loosing track of some recipes that I tried and enjoyed. I would stick the print out or the website address somewhere and when I went to make it again, I couldn’t find it! So, I’ve started a binder and am putting all my favorite recipes in it! There’s even a section for partner-approved dishes and fancy dinner party dishes/menus.

Basically, though, the key to switching to plant based over animal based foods was to replace my favorite foods with problem free indulgences, like the Mexican dip I posted about last time. (Check it out here!) It is SO GOOD, especially with Garden of Eatin’s Blue Corn Chips! Something about the crunch of those chips REALLY hits the spot in my brain’s pleasure center! Mmm!

At any rate, one of my favorite foods was grilled cheese! I actually made a really fantastic version of grilled cheese with italian bread (the hardish, dryish white kind) with spicy white cheese, a thin layer of raspberry jelly (homemade by my Mom who goes easy on the sugar) and a thick layer of fresh spinach! I know it might sound weird, but the sweet and savory combination was just perfect!

Well, I recently discovered an amazing gluten-free, dairy-free, low sugar (at least low enough not to give me gut issues) frozen waffles!

I’ve been enjoying them with a big pile of fresh berries!

But then I grabbed some dairy-free sliced and individually packaged cheese that was on sale at Kroger. I’ve been wanting to try it and since it was on sale I thought, now’s the time! So I got home and ate a piece plain. WOW. If I didn’t know that it wasn’t milk based I would not have known! It was a light colored cheese with a spicy jalapeno flavor. It reminded me of the grilled cheese I used to make and then I had an idea!

I made the waffles, melted the cheese on them, added a layer of raspberry jelly and topped it off with fresh spinach (it needed more, I’ll add more next time).

It was exactly like I used to make only better! The waffles have much more flavor to them that the italian bread did! And more omega-3 fatty acid! Oh man, I will be making these again!!!

So, step one of going veggie? Get creative in the kitchen! Use ingredients that are similar to the other ingredients and experiment! If you’re not into experimenting, google some recipes! There are TONS out there!

And remember, don’t tell yourself that you can’t have something, like bread or meat or whatever you’re trying to replace. Of course you can have it! The question is, do you really want it? Now that I know what bread, dairy products and meat products do to me, the environment, etc, I don’t want it. I want sliced strawberries on a bed of leafy greens! And I want to have grown those greens or picked those strawberries from a local farmer!

I am happy to report that my greens have been coming from my church’s greenhouse for the past couple of weeks! (They’re in the picture, actually!) The greenhouse is growing rampant amounts of leafy greens! Spinach, kale, bak choy, and mustard greens! I didn’t think I liked the last three of those until I tasted them fresh and ripe! Mmm-mm!

What food would you miss the most if you were to switch to all plant based foods?

Cupcakes Denied

In recent months, I’ve noticed a roughly 10-12 hour window between when I eat something that doesn’t agree with my intestines and when I will be running to the bathroom. (My skin reactions are much more immediate, though longer lasting.) And guess what! Those cupcakes sent me running to the bathroom roughly 10 hours after I ate them. Process of elimination enabled me to point my finger at the cupcakes. I’d eaten all the other foods before with no issue. It must’ve been the cupcakes.

SO, since there was no dairy, no eggs, no refined sugar, no wheat in those cupcakes, THEN WHAT is causing my intestinal issues? I would be ready to throw in the towel, if not for my dear cousin recommending to me the book, “Breaking The Vicious Cycle: Intestinal Health Through Diet”. I read HALF of the book last night. I read it voraciously, as if I were starving, in fact! Here is what I gleaned from the book so far:

Basically, my gut is damaged and has been for at least three years. I mean, I remember days when I could eat ANYTHING and have no intestinal issues whatsoever! But now, I cannot put just anything into my intestines. Rather, I need to put things into it that will help it to heal and not do any more damage. This, I had already surmised, but what I had not surmised was the complex science behind the intestines and how foods behave in the intestines when it is and is not already damaged! (For more information, I HIGHLY recommend the book! You can find it on Amazon for pretty cheap! Also, to get a taste of what the book offers, check out their website!)

The damage that has happened and the intestinal flora that are out of balance has taken control of what I eat, but now, I am going to find out how to take control back! I have a hunch that this task will be demanding, but I have been getting worse and I just can’t take it anymore. I’m pretty desperate. I’ll try anything! (almost)

(More info and specifics coming in my next blog post!)

Saturday, March 16th, 2013

DAILY SYMPTOM LOG

SKIN: redness same as yesterday, itchy sensation remains; raised patches of dry skin remain; overall shows no improvement;

GUT: slight rumblings; generally normal feeling; one bathroom issue (from the cupcakes, I think)

OTHER: general muscle sore/stiff feeling mostly gone; no headache

FOOD: 1 large Johnagold apple; Thai-Peanut coated pork loin; Indian dish with cauliflower, peas, carrots, potatoes, tomatoes, and rice (confirmed no wheat, no dairy, no eggs); Bean Chips & Mango-Peach Salsa; 1 can of Coke Zero

Sunday, March 17th, 2013

DAILY SYMPTOM LOG

SKIN: redness slightly less than yesterday, itchy sensation lessened; raised patches of dry skin remain; overall shows slight improvement;

GUT: generally normal feeling;

OTHER: general muscle sore/stiff feeling very prevalent in neck/shoulders and esp. legs and back (muscles I used heavily yesterday when playing with a 4 month old baby!); no headache

FOOD: Indian dish with cauliflower, peas, carrots, potatoes, tomatoes, and rice (confirmed no wheat, no dairy, no eggs); 1 banana (organic); mango habanero flavored kale chips; General Tso’s Chicken (pretty sure there’s refined sugar, dairy, eggs and gluten in this stuff, though in small amounts)