The World Lied To Us

The world lied to us. Of this, I am sure.

I grew up believing a number of things that I have since learned are not always true. There is a grey area to these things that no one told me about. I never even got a hint! And at this moment, I’m pretty peeved.

For example, I was taught that if you had sex, then you would become pregnant. Like, easily and quickly. “It only takes one oops,” they scared me into believing. While this may be true for some, as I got into my late 20’s I didn’t need to look far to see numerous friends lamenting their inability to conceive. I grew up thinking that the equation was: sex = baby. Simple and direct. But this just isn’t so for many of us.

I was also taught that if you were sick, the doctor would make you well. While this is true in many cases and has been true for me in the past with certain illnesses, it is not true with my current health struggles.

After all these years of feeling sick pretty much all the time and feeling like my body was functioning at 70% I decided I should go to a doctor, again. Because heaven knows I tried seeing doctors when I first started getting sick, but apparently I wasn’t sick enough or something at the time because all I was told to do was eat rice and more yogurt. This time, I wanted to try to get diagnosed. After my symptoms worsened in recent months, I thought, now is the time.

The diagnosis I received?

Irritable Bowel Syndrome

Sigh. Come on. How is that even a diagnosis? All it means is, “I don’t know what’s wrong with you, I wasn’t able to find anything, so we’ll just call it a syndrome and let you continue to try to cope with this chronic health issue.”

Gee. Thanks.

And don’t even get me started on how much it cost me to get that diagnosis.

I am still convinced that the world lied to me. It lied to me about essential and basic physical processes like eating. I was taught that you can eat whatever food you want and not have it affect you physically. With the exception of smoking and drinking, of course. Oh and try not to have too much caffeine. But that’s it. That’s pretty much the only information the world gives us about food and how it might affect our bodies and how we feel. I think my doctor was taught the same lie because when I told him I changed my diet a couple years ago and many of my symptoms went away, he was genuinely surprised. Not even skeptical. Just straight-up surprised.

It’s time to un-learn the lies.

It’s time to listen my body.

It’s time to follow my inner wisdom and eat what my body says yes to.

Because my mind is all sorts of confused. Try to relax, mind. You take a back seat for now. You can sort this all out later. It’s time to let my body take the lead and listen to that still, small voice of wisdom that is within me.

Maybe the next generation won’t have to un-learn these lies. Maybe we can teach them to see the grey and keep their expectations more realistic. Maybe we can teach them to listen to their inner voice of wisdom when they are young so they can spot the lies from a mile away as they grow up.

 

Disclaimer: I will have an appointment with my doctor to talk treatment in more detail sometime in the near future. The IBS diagnosis is probably correct, though we are waiting on a few lab results before making a final diagnosis. This blog post is merely me processing late at night while my mind is racing and not letting me rest. I appreciate my doctor. I just don’t think he has all the answers for my medical issues. Actually, he has even less answers than I hoped he would which is where my frustration is coming from.

The Healing Power of “No”

Throughout my journey of growth and healing over the past decade, the habit of saying, “no” has been a surprising avenue to healing.

For my mental health and healing, saying “No” when people ask me to do things sends the message to myself that my time is valuable and so am I. There was somehow a connection for me between having to say yes to anyone else’s needs or requests and my sense of self-worth. Underneath it all, I held the belief that other people’s needs were always more important than mine because other people were always more important than me. While it is important for us as humans to value other people, my values were out of balance. It wasn’t that I was being humble or prioritizing serving others. It was that I did not exist in the equation much, if at all.

So, when I started saying, “No,” it not only was difficult, but it also started to transform my value of myself without me really realizing it at the time. And as I started to say, “No,” it freed up my calendar for other things that were self-caring, like grocery shopping and cooking!

And what happens when Diana is in the kitchen more? She’s eating more healing foods! Hallelujah!

Saying no, even to those things that sound fun (which there are a lot of) frees one’s self up for healing activities like going for walks, taking hot baths, reading something just for fun and just generally doing things that bring you energy and joy! Like play the ukulele! 😀

I still struggle with saying no. For me, the hardest task now is saying no when someone offers me something out of kindness and generosity. Often times for me, this has to do with food.

Hearing the phrases “Let’s go out to eat,” and “I made you this _______,” makes me cringe. It is so difficult for me to say no to temptation when I’m out to eat. And not only that, but because I’m eating and talking with people, I often eat too much and get overfull and then guess what? Nausea for the next couple of hours thanks to pregnancy. (Did you know that eating 5-6 small meals a day during pregnancy helps with nausea? At least for me. Such an easy fix!) And when someone MAKES me something?! Oh man. That’s rough. Honestly, this happens very rarely because most people I work with and see on a regular basis know my weird food issues and plan accordingly. (I have the most wonderful co-workers, family and friends!!! Seriously!!! You all are SUPER GREAT!!!) Being honest with co-workers, family and friends and telling them, “Sorry, it’s best if I don’t eat that…” (which is a nicely worded way of saying no) was really, REALLY hard at first.

For me, if someone makes you something or gives you something, you accept the gift. Pretty much without exception. So, breaking this internal law of sorts was almost painful at first. But I had to trust that people would understand and if their feelings were hurt, they would get over it and things would be okay.

And guess what? Now it’s all good. People just have been rolling with it and I couldn’t be more amazed and thankful!!! Even the hubs has learned how to make chocolate cookies that I can eat!

I encourage you to say no and to be honest about your needs, whatever they may be. You are valuable and should be treated as such by others and by your own self. 🙂

XOXO,

Diana

Stop Asking If I Am Better

Sickness is a part of life. I’m not sure why people act like you’ve done something wrong or that it is your fault when you get sick. Everyone gets sick. No one lives their life in a constant state of sicklessness–no flu, no colds, nada, ever. Think about it. No one lives this reality. So, why do we get upset when we get sick? It is what it is. And for many of us, it will pass.

But the questions asked of sick persons and statements made to sick persons reveal this mentality of blaming the person who is sick for being sick.

“Are you stressed?”
“Have you been taking your vitamins?”
“What have you been eating?”
“You need to relax. Take some vacation time.”

We all get sick at some point or another. Some of us, more often and longer than others. Some of us have so few “healthy” days it is agonizing.

It’s really a form of victim blaming, I think. The person who is sick does not want to be sick and is probably doing everything they feel they can to get well.

I mean, try telling a pastor to relax and take it easy when it’s Friday and Sunday is coming. We don’t get sick Sundays. Okay? I got sick Wednesday and I preached Saturday. It’s just how things work. And I don’t think I am being bad to myself or my body by doing so. I took Thursday off, even though I had things I needed to be doing at the church. I missed a whole day of vacation bible school! So, I’m doing my best here, but my best includes preaching anyway.

And what about folks who have chronic illnesses?

(One of the topics at vacation bible school this week was how we treat people when they’re sick, specifically sick for a long time. Amazing how relevant the curriculum is getting!)

Let me just tell you now, we don’t know how to treat folks who are chronically ill. Most of us don’t, at any rate. I was made aware of this by a friend at church whose daughter has a chronic illness. She told me that folks kept asking her how her daughter was doing and if she was getting better. My friend looked at me with tired eyes and said, “They just don’t get it. This isn’t going to go away. She’s always going to be fighting these battles.”

And she’s totally right. I didn’t get it. I’m so glad I had this conversation with her because I kept thinking that there would be a day when she would be better. I kept waiting to hear good news. But good news is relative. And now, having walked my own journey with health and healing, I have my own versions of good news.

For me, good news is a day when my skin doesn’t itch.

Good news is a day when my stomach isn’t gurgling to distraction.

Good news is a normal bathroom visit.

Good news is a day when I choose good-all-the-way-down foods, instead of feeling confined by my cravings. (I almost always crave foods that will make me sicker.)

In my case, with some of these symptoms, there are absolutely things I can do to help myself heal and get better. HOWEVER, this does not mean that I am at fault for my illness overall. Blame helps no one. In my humble opinion.

When you ask me if I am better and then act surprised that I answer no, it makes me feel as though I should be better. And yes, I am fully aware that I do not look sick most of the time when I am sick. I often look more radiant, I think, because I am usually flushed and glow a bit from the slight fever.

This is me, sick:

 

Looks can be deceiving.

So, maybe next time I say I am not feeling well, you can just ask if I would like a hug. 🙂

And for any of you who would like one, here’s a virtual one –> (((HUG)))

 

P.S. Asking “How are you feeling?” is totally good with me! It’s the reacting as if I should be better or should not be sick that is the problem. Just fyi. 🙂