We Need More Rest…No, Seriously

Two weeks ago, I launched back into blogging with this post: Let’s Rest More

Yesterday, I visited a friend in the psych ward of a hospital. They mentioned how they were just trying to get some sleep and said, “They’re feed us real good. I had salmon for dinner!”

You guys.

The psych ward is this person’s quiet camp.

I re-read my post about my quiet camp experience and discovered that I created my own psych ward. Only I was allowed to walk outside in the green grass and trees. I was also allowed to have my phone, pen and notebook.

But sometimes we need all the things taken away from us so that we can let it go and just rest. It seems that this is exactly what this person was experiencing. A forced shut-down for a short period of time.

But, what happens when they have to re-enter their life? With its hardships and our mental state being only temporarily helped by the rest and nourishment received by the stay in hospital?

Our home lives must be places of rest and rejuvenation. Our regular lives must allow us space and time to heal. Or we are going to end up cycling back to the same place with the same problems.

I’m not about that negative cycle life. I’d much rather work to change and build a new thing, than continuing a nasty cycle of pain and suffering.

I don’t get the point of calling people who need healing and change “crazy” and locking them up in a hospital. Sometimes we need saving from ourselves, yes, but don’t call us crazy. Or, if you do, then we’re all crazy. All of us need rest and nourishment. Some of us are literally driven into a place where we cannot function at all anymore. We are simply done. We have nothing left to give. There is no fight left. And that’s when we end up in hospitals.

But do we find healing there? Lasting healing?

I don’t know.

But what I do know, is this:

Things have got to change.

There is no amount of effort that isn’t worth change. Not for me. I’ve seen what years of working for change can do in my own life. I put loads and loads of my time and money into counseling, retreats, reading books, mentoring, accountability groups and more in order to change myself. In order to transform myself into … me! A joy-filled, peace-loving, unchained version of me.

I lived for many, many years with the chains of other people’s expectations upon me. It took a mental and physical toll on me.

Today, I am a transformed person. And it seems that I will continue to transform as I continue to put time, money and effort into counseling, books, retreats and supportive (as well as challenging) friendships.

The truth is, I am in a good place now. I know what I need and I know how to get it and I do not apologize for my needs.

If I could just get more rest, though…things would be even better! I wouldn’t end up crying and wailing on the couch because I just CAN’T COPE. (Yeah, this was me this morning.) My brain would be able to function. All the “pistons” in my brain would be firing, so to speak.

For years I was on serotonin related anti-depressants and I can tell now that when I don’t rest enough my serotonin levels are affected negatively. (Isn’t that awesome?! I can tell now! I don’t need anyone else to tell me! Like a psychiatrist, doctor or counselor. Yay!!!)

When my brain hasn’t had enough rest, it simply functions tired. Less serotonin gets passed around up there.

Simple and true.

I know because I’ve tested this theory many, many times. I sleep and whatever thing I couldn’t cope with before is much less daunting when I wake. Joy comes in the morning, as they say. For me, it’s true.

So, you can bet your boots that I will be napping later today. Once the kid’s at daycare (and having a BLAST without me, I might add) and I’ve had lunch, I will rest.

Rest and nourishment.

It’s so simple.

At least something in life is simple, right? Whew.

Make Time For Nothing

Making time for nothing seems like a ridiculous notion.

But what would it feel like to have nothing pressing on you? Nothing demanding your time? Nothing to take care of except your normal, every day bodily needs like drinking water, eating nourishing food, using the restroom and resting as needed.

This is what I experienced at Quiet Camp.

A whole week of nothing.

And it was not a waste of my time. In fact, it was some of the best spent time I’ve had in quite some time.

Our society values hard work. It values it so much that people find it perfectly reasonable to work at the expense of one’s physical, emotional and mental health. There are so many professions and lines of work in which this is 100% normal. And often our solution is to numb out, ignore the issues that created the disfunction, and to just keep pushing on.

There are times when pushing on, despite failing health and wellness, is absolutely necessary. There are seasons to life. There is an ebb and flow to the work load that we are called to do at different times. But that’s just it. These seasons of hard, hard work have turned into an all-year event.

Imagine if it were summer ALL THE TIME. Whatever your summer looks like, imagine that it was always like that. Even in temperate areas on this planet, there is change throughout the year. There are seasons. Imagine that it was the same all the time.

We need seasons of nothing sprinkled throughout our years, our months, our weeks and maybe even our days.

That’s what the concept of Sabbath touches. This need for seasons of nothing amidst our hard work.

It’s okay to be tired. So many of us are tired these days. The problem is that we seem to stay tired. And we can’t be forces for wholeness and love and revolution if we stay tired all the time.

Perhaps it is more appropriate if I only speak for myself. Allow me to re-phrase: I can’t be a force for wholeness and love and revolution if I stay tired all the time. I’ll just stay grumpy and short-tempered and unhappy. I don’t want that for myself, let alone my family or friends.

I can see why I am tired. I have a toddler who doesn’t stop. Every waking moment is chock-full of exploring, playing, learning, cooking food, eating, etc. She’s constantly changing. Plus, I’m a wife and my husband and I have to try to keep a house clean and orderly. Mostly we can’t keep up. We have friends and a faith community that we expend a lot of time and energy on. There’s not much time left for cleaning or nothing. A.K.A. Sabbath.

But, in all of this, we find joy and fulfillment. Yet, we are also tired.

So, I am left wondering what good things to say no to in order to carve out time for nothing.

When I returned from Quiet Camp, I felt resilient, joyful and energized in a way I have not in years.

Now, I understand the value of sabbath. I want to get back to that place. I want to learn to prioritize time for nothing.

Despite how against the grain this is, I will make time for nothing. I will let go of the to do list during my nothing times. I will order my days, weeks, and months for nothing time. I will keep an eye on my priorities and let the rest go. Things that aren’t a priority, I will say no to.

Because I want to be able to relax and enjoy watching my toddler pick sprinkles off her doughnut. I want to run around the house holding my toddler while we chase Daddy. And I want to sit, breathe and enjoy a cup of coffee that is actually hot.

It’s the little things that bring joy to our lives.

Nothing time makes time for these little things. Nothing time makes time for us to LISTEN to our selves. Then, we have time to do the things that we heard we needed. Like cooking something nourishing, enjoying a beverage, doing something creative, reading that book you’ve been meaning to read, or just taking some deep breaths.

Sometimes, all we really need is some time to stop and take a few deep breaths.

Let’s make time for nothing.

 

Let’s Rest More

2015 was one of my best years ever. I got married in February, graduated with my Master’s degree in May and had a baby in late October.

A friend recently pointed out to me that those are three of the biggest life changes you can undergo in a life time. And they happened for me all within one year.

No wonder I almost lost my mind.

 

These three changes, especially the first and last one, required a lot of me and a lot from me.

Once I had the baby, I was in survival mode. You know that mode. When you fade in and out of insanity.

I lived that way until last week when I went away to quiet camp.

 

There, I rested.

 

At quiet camp there was no schedule.

Nothing on my to do list.

Nothing on my calendar.

Meals were served at 8:00am, Noon and 6:00pm.

I was not obligated to be anywhere, to do anything, or be anything to anybody except myself.

I was able to show up and be present with myself.

I was able to hear and respond to my needs.

 

My needs were simple:

Nourish myself.

Rest.

 

And so I did that.

For four days.

 

I nourished myself with the environment around me.

Lush forest and wildlife to observe and get “lost” in.

Enjoying the sunrise.

 

I nourished myself with the beauty of the place.

The little things that go unnoticed in my busy, hurried daily life.

Enjoying a rainy day

 

I nourished myself with food and drink.

So simple.

So needed.

Coffee, eggs with sriracha and bacon.

 

It was transformational.

I was transformed.

I re-discovered my joy and my gratitude for life. I had been so busy surviving big life changes (oh, did I mention I suddenly changed jobs a month before the retreat?) that I hadn’t even noticed that I had lost my joy and gratitude for life. Before the retreat, I found myself waking up angry, many days. Angry and anxious.

I believe presence with one’s self, nourishment of one’s self, and rest of one’s self, is the antidote to much of our personal anxiety, pain and anger.

We are living in a culture, an era, an environment that encourages us to pack our days, our weeks, our months, with stuff. Lots of it is good stuff! But there isn’t enough time in our days, weeks and months to do ALL the good stuff. Just today I said “No, thank you,” to a lunch with some friends because I need rest.

Yes, you read that right. I went to a camp for a week and rested the whole time. I have been back for a week and I need more rest.

YES! We need more rest! All of us!

 

Please note that I am not generalizing nourishment and rest as the solution to everything for everyone in every situation.

What I am saying is this: our culture does not know how to help us heal from things that have gone right or wrong in life, nor does our culture know how to help us go about our lives with joy FOR life! With joy for the moment, for the present, for our existence, for the world in which we find ourselves.

We need to figure out how to heal and how to live with joy on our own. Western society does not and will not teach it to us. It can’t.

Especially in today’s world of weeping and gnashing of teeth over the American political situation. We must re-discover our joy for life! We must learn how to mourn, how to name our pain, and then how to HEAL. I want us all to come out of this alive. And this fight requires so much of ourselves. It’s hard and it hurts.

We need healing.

And healing requires rest.

Healing requires time and nourishment.

It is my mission now to re-invent how I do life. I will get rid of stuff–even some of the good stuff– in order to make way for the most important things. One of which is rest.

On the top of my list of priorities it now says:

REST, my love

If I am going to be a beacon of hope, love and joy in this world, I need to make those things real in my own life, too.

How are you finding joy today? In this moment?

What does your path to healing look like?

 

The World Lied To Us

The world lied to us. Of this, I am sure.

I grew up believing a number of things that I have since learned are not always true. There is a grey area to these things that no one told me about. I never even got a hint! And at this moment, I’m pretty peeved.

For example, I was taught that if you had sex, then you would become pregnant. Like, easily and quickly. “It only takes one oops,” they scared me into believing. While this may be true for some, as I got into my late 20’s I didn’t need to look far to see numerous friends lamenting their inability to conceive. I grew up thinking that the equation was: sex = baby. Simple and direct. But this just isn’t so for many of us.

I was also taught that if you were sick, the doctor would make you well. While this is true in many cases and has been true for me in the past with certain illnesses, it is not true with my current health struggles.

After all these years of feeling sick pretty much all the time and feeling like my body was functioning at 70% I decided I should go to a doctor, again. Because heaven knows I tried seeing doctors when I first started getting sick, but apparently I wasn’t sick enough or something at the time because all I was told to do was eat rice and more yogurt. This time, I wanted to try to get diagnosed. After my symptoms worsened in recent months, I thought, now is the time.

The diagnosis I received?

Irritable Bowel Syndrome

Sigh. Come on. How is that even a diagnosis? All it means is, “I don’t know what’s wrong with you, I wasn’t able to find anything, so we’ll just call it a syndrome and let you continue to try to cope with this chronic health issue.”

Gee. Thanks.

And don’t even get me started on how much it cost me to get that diagnosis.

I am still convinced that the world lied to me. It lied to me about essential and basic physical processes like eating. I was taught that you can eat whatever food you want and not have it affect you physically. With the exception of smoking and drinking, of course. Oh and try not to have too much caffeine. But that’s it. That’s pretty much the only information the world gives us about food and how it might affect our bodies and how we feel. I think my doctor was taught the same lie because when I told him I changed my diet a couple years ago and many of my symptoms went away, he was genuinely surprised. Not even skeptical. Just straight-up surprised.

It’s time to un-learn the lies.

It’s time to listen my body.

It’s time to follow my inner wisdom and eat what my body says yes to.

Because my mind is all sorts of confused. Try to relax, mind. You take a back seat for now. You can sort this all out later. It’s time to let my body take the lead and listen to that still, small voice of wisdom that is within me.

Maybe the next generation won’t have to un-learn these lies. Maybe we can teach them to see the grey and keep their expectations more realistic. Maybe we can teach them to listen to their inner voice of wisdom when they are young so they can spot the lies from a mile away as they grow up.

 

Disclaimer: I will have an appointment with my doctor to talk treatment in more detail sometime in the near future. The IBS diagnosis is probably correct, though we are waiting on a few lab results before making a final diagnosis. This blog post is merely me processing late at night while my mind is racing and not letting me rest. I appreciate my doctor. I just don’t think he has all the answers for my medical issues. Actually, he has even less answers than I hoped he would which is where my frustration is coming from.

Sending Out An S.O.S.

Somehow, somewhere along the way, many of us get the message that we are supposed to live our lives successfully on our own. We have this idea that when trouble comes, be it health issues, job stressors, or life changes, that we must suck it up and figure it out alone.

This is just not the case.

On October 26, 2015 at 8:48 p.m., a new life came into my world and changed so many, many things.

I have a new definition of hard work. I know now that I can survive a lot more than I had previously thought possible. But what is not new is my understanding that I am allowed to ask for help. There are people who will lovingly respond when I send out an S.O.S.

Her birth did not go as planned, which I expected because I know life is full of surprises and twists. However, I did not expect it to go quite so off-track. After over 17 hours of labor, my cervix was still at 3 centimeters and my little baby was not doing well. We called in the doctor and started steps towards a cesarean. This was more than a bit unexpected and my poor husband was feeling more than a little out of sorts with his wife and unborn child under such duress. So, he called in some support and they arrived likety-split.

As far as I can tell, we did everything right. I labored for more than 12 hours without medication. Then, I labored for a while with medication. Still, I was at 3 centimeters. I have little clue as to why I was stuck, but it is what it is. I am elated that my doctor is so good at what she does because it translates into a healthy Mom and a healthy baby at the end of the day.

Of course, I didn’t know it then, but this was only the beginning of the hard work of parenting. I have sent out so many S.O.S. texts and calls at this point that I have lost track of all the help and support our little family has received. You get this beautiful new life deposited in your life and, as one friend wisely said, “They don’t come with an instruction manual.” The books didn’t really help. The support from family and friends? Priceless. Simply irreplaceable.

Humans are wired for connection. Brene Brown taught me this fact. When we rely on the connections we have built, we become stronger and more able to take on the hard work that life has to offer us. We are better able to rise to the occasion. We are better able to heal after challenging times as well.

After going home from the hospital, I remember waking one night, screaming in pain. My mother was there and she helped me. The doctor said I healed well and I healed quickly from the surgery. I credit this to all the support we received.

To the many, many friends and family whom I have texted and called at all hours of the day and night, I thank you. WE thank you. There really are not enough “thank you”s to cover our depth of gratitude. We owe much of our happiness to you!

There are people who will lovingly respond when you send out an S.O.S., too. Asking for help when we need it is a skill that is learned and developed. If you haven’t learned it yet, I advise starting to learn it now. Life is happier and much more fun when we are able and willing to draw others into our challenges and struggles.

May peace well up within you again and again in this wonderful new year. Happy 2016!

The Pros and Cons of Numbness

I spent years of my life numb to my own wants and desires. It was the first time I thought that there might be something amiss with my mental well-being when a mentor asked, “How are you feeling? Deep down?” I paused, to access a truthful answer, and said, “I don’t know.” The mentor said something in reply that was gentle, but that also cued me in to the fact that this was a sign of some kind. Not knowing how you feel, deep down, can indicate that you have numbed your inner self, your inner feelings and wisdom. You have shut it out in order to survive, perhaps. I’m sure there are a lot of reasons to numb our feelings, especially when we find ourselves in situations where we cannot see a way out.

But really, there is almost always a way out. It just might suck, so to speak. The main exception I can think of here is with minors who are often forced to stay in situations that are highly unhealthy because they are not adults yet and are not technically allowed to make many choices for themselves. But that is another blog entry…

When I finally got into counseling and started getting down deep to what was under the numbness, it hurt. I did a lot of crying in that counselor’s office. Truth be told, I went through a couple different counselors before real breakthroughs started happening, but when they did, it seemed that opportunities for growth were all around me! But they hurt at first and they also were a lot of work.

Growth is slow, but I have found that if I am numbed out, it is very hard to grow and certainly hard to grow in a wise direction. We can direct our growth, but that requires that we know ourselves and do reflective work. Numbness can get in the way of this.

But numbness can also help us survive. There is a time and a place for it and I am trying my best not to judge anyone who is walking through a numbness period of their life. I mean, hello. I have TOTALLY been there!!

When I tell people that I don’t want to get an epidural when I go into labor, some laugh, but most definitely look to question the wisdom of that plan. It comes down to numbness. I don’t want to numb that pain out, or any goodness that might come with it. Ultimately, this is my fundamental reasoning for not wanting medical intervention during my labor.

That being said, I just finished reading “Baby Love: Choosing Motherhood After a Lifetime of Ambivalence,” by Rebecca Walker. I think I get why people laugh and question me when I talk about avoiding an epidural now. In the book Rebecca sounds like me. She wants to do what’s best for her and her baby and wants to follow the intervention free model of labor and birth. However, she ends up begging for an epidural and her birth plans go quite askew from what they were before she entered the arena of actually experiencing labor.

Rebecca says that she feels the epidural saved her life.

There are times when numbing things out helps us survive.

I guess the real issue is not whether we numb something out partly, but rather that we just not stay in the numbed out place forever. Extended numbness often stunts our growth and future happiness.

There are many things in life that scare us. There are things that cause us pain. Sometimes, we are able to numb these things out to get through the moment of them. And that’s totally okay. Seriously. I get it. I’ve done it. Survival is important! However, the numbness will hold us back, or down, or however you want to think about it, if we let it continue to be numb. If we never revisit an event and never heal from it in any discernible way, we are limiting our potential for happiness in life. A lack of healing means stunted growth for us. It means the way forward is affected by hurts in our past because even when we numb something out to get through it, we are still affected by it.

An epidural helped Rebecca have her baby, but there was still healing and processing of the experience that had to be done afterwards. Whether we face the pain of life without numbing it out, or whether we numb it out, we must revisit the event and heal from it if we want to not be stunted by the event. All pain and/or trauma requires some type of processing and healing.

But take heart, beloved. We were built for struggle! From conception to the end, we are made to wrestle with the problems and events of this world and survive. Even more than that, we were meant to thrive!

Now is the time to really grow, find our true centers, and care for ourselves in loving ways and to learn more so we can keep blooming, or maybe even sprout new buds!

The Healing Power of “No”

Throughout my journey of growth and healing over the past decade, the habit of saying, “no” has been a surprising avenue to healing.

For my mental health and healing, saying “No” when people ask me to do things sends the message to myself that my time is valuable and so am I. There was somehow a connection for me between having to say yes to anyone else’s needs or requests and my sense of self-worth. Underneath it all, I held the belief that other people’s needs were always more important than mine because other people were always more important than me. While it is important for us as humans to value other people, my values were out of balance. It wasn’t that I was being humble or prioritizing serving others. It was that I did not exist in the equation much, if at all.

So, when I started saying, “No,” it not only was difficult, but it also started to transform my value of myself without me really realizing it at the time. And as I started to say, “No,” it freed up my calendar for other things that were self-caring, like grocery shopping and cooking!

And what happens when Diana is in the kitchen more? She’s eating more healing foods! Hallelujah!

Saying no, even to those things that sound fun (which there are a lot of) frees one’s self up for healing activities like going for walks, taking hot baths, reading something just for fun and just generally doing things that bring you energy and joy! Like play the ukulele! 😀

I still struggle with saying no. For me, the hardest task now is saying no when someone offers me something out of kindness and generosity. Often times for me, this has to do with food.

Hearing the phrases “Let’s go out to eat,” and “I made you this _______,” makes me cringe. It is so difficult for me to say no to temptation when I’m out to eat. And not only that, but because I’m eating and talking with people, I often eat too much and get overfull and then guess what? Nausea for the next couple of hours thanks to pregnancy. (Did you know that eating 5-6 small meals a day during pregnancy helps with nausea? At least for me. Such an easy fix!) And when someone MAKES me something?! Oh man. That’s rough. Honestly, this happens very rarely because most people I work with and see on a regular basis know my weird food issues and plan accordingly. (I have the most wonderful co-workers, family and friends!!! Seriously!!! You all are SUPER GREAT!!!) Being honest with co-workers, family and friends and telling them, “Sorry, it’s best if I don’t eat that…” (which is a nicely worded way of saying no) was really, REALLY hard at first.

For me, if someone makes you something or gives you something, you accept the gift. Pretty much without exception. So, breaking this internal law of sorts was almost painful at first. But I had to trust that people would understand and if their feelings were hurt, they would get over it and things would be okay.

And guess what? Now it’s all good. People just have been rolling with it and I couldn’t be more amazed and thankful!!! Even the hubs has learned how to make chocolate cookies that I can eat!

I encourage you to say no and to be honest about your needs, whatever they may be. You are valuable and should be treated as such by others and by your own self. 🙂

XOXO,

Diana

A High-Risk Pregnancy?

During my routine prenatal session with my midwife, I discovered that simply because of my height and weight, I will be labeled a “high-risk pregnancy.” At the time, I was not a bit phased by this. I know that the BMI charts were created by insurance companies who are experts on health and would know what a healthy weight and height combination is, of course (sarcasm). My midwife wasn’t the least bit concerned because I told her what my diet looks like and my recent weight loss (roughly 50lbs over the past 2 years). My reply was simply, “Well that means insurance will pay for more tests, right?” and then I laughed. I was genuinely not phased because I know that the BMI charts are a result of a bunch of fat-prejudiced white guys who decided that skinny is better. Whatever. I’m long since over it.

But then…

I called to make an ultrasound appointment and ended up nearly in tears.

To make a long story short, the woman trying to help me schedule my ultrasound heard the words “high-risk pregnancy” and referred me to the only place that does high-risk pregnancy ultrasounds, which severely limited my ability to schedule an ultrasound at a reasonable time and place. Now granted, this was a miscommunication because I have never made an appointment like this on my own and I wasn’t sure how the heck to read the order that had been printed. Also, the woman was asking for information that wasn’t labeled the way she was asking for it. So, I do not blame her for trying to be helpful with the information she had been able to gather from me.

The problem here is that this “high-risk” label caused unnecessary strife for me and my midwife and every other person I subsequently called, nearly crying. (I was frustrated and just wanted to see my baby and do as my midwife needed me to do.)

You see, I spent the next hour and a half trying to get ahold of my midwife and trying to figure out if there really was only one location that I could get an ultrasound done. I got ahold of her, thank goodness. She was lovely and patient and straight up said the information I had gleaned was wrong. (Yay!)

I finally got ahold of the right place and the right person and left out the “high-risk” label while scheduling the ultrasound (for fear that I would get transferred to the wrong place, again) and I got my ultrasound scheduled! It’s today, by the way. 🙂

So, all this to say…LABELS SUCK.

It literally says on my chart: “Obesity complicating pregnancy”

Um, seriously? I’m obese? Since when is a size 12 obese?? Granted I’m not a size 12 through the middle right now, but I’m making a friggin’ person in there so I get a pass.

Here’s a pic of pre-preggers me if you’re looking for a reference point.

The high-risk label really did come as a surprise to me. I figured if the midwife talked to me about my diet and whatnot, she could take the label off. Not the case, it seems. It is discouraging to have made so many changes, to have seen so many changes, but then for it to come to naught, in a sense, when it comes to medical professionals.

Frankly, you can take your high-risk, obese labels and shove them where the sun doesn’t shine. Because I don’t fit those labels. And I’m sure there are plenty more Moms-to-be that are in the same boat as me.

But I don’t need to prove anything to anyone. I eat highly nutritious foods—lots of fruits and veggies. I feel better than I have since High School. I have healed and am still on a healing path—spiritually, mentally and physically.

I’ll just need to be my own advocate and go into medical environments remembering how far I have come and how much happier my body is these days.

Eat well. Keep moving. Let your body do what it’s going to do and be the shape it’s comfortable being. I’m not about to force myself to try and fit an across-the-board, generic label that doesn’t allow for difference and diversity. Difference and diversity are what make up this world. And it is wonderfully and beautifully made.

Falling Off The Wagon

There has been a bit of a big pause since my last blog entry. 8 months, to be precise. Oh my! Within that time a lot of things have changed. I moved out of my apartment and into a wonderful house. I met a lovely man as summer was ending last year and by the time spring was just barely peaking its marvelous head around the corner, we were married!

And now, guess what? I’m pregnant! And no, I am not posting a picture of the stick I peed on or a picture of my uterus. You’ll just have to take my word for it. 🙂 The hubs made a joke about how he’s batting 1000. I thought it was hilarious. On a separate occasion, my Dad said, “Nice shot,” which is typical and also hilarious, though I only smiled as if I was slightly amused since I don’t want to encourage the man. HA!

I don’t know if it was all the changes or what, but for about the past month and a half I have been falling off-track of my healing journey. I have been eating things that give me symptoms that make my life less pleasant and make me more grumpy. This on top of the pregnancy just makes me feel out of control and crazy. The hubs says it’s not that bad from where he’s standing, but I feel awful at times and I would really like to change.

In case you’re curious, foods that cause indigestion, headaches and moodiness for me are: bread, sugar (fake or otherwise), dairy products (cheese, sour cream, etc), corn products (like popcorn—OH HOW I LOVE POPCORN), and rice.

Well, my symptoms are back. Skin issues, gut issues, & mental health decline are all upon me. And I tell you what…

I remember now why I chose a different path.

And I am thankful for the divergence from the healing path because it has helped me remember why I choose to eat “weird” and why I take time to shop, cook & meal plan for myself.

I want to live life more fully.

I want to smile really big, with my whole self because I don’t have any nagging itching on my skin, or worries about when the next urge will overtake me and can make it to the bathroom in time?

So, I am getting back in the wagon. I am getting back on the horse. I am making my healing and health a priority, again.

However, I am under no illusion that saying this will magically make my will power return. I have an accountability plan and it involves you. 🙂

Every meal I eat, breakfast, snack or otherwise, will be documented on Instagram from here on out. It might get old for some, but I know lots of folks who post pictures of food on there, so I’m pretty sure I’ll be in good company.

If I have to post on Instagram what I eat, then I will think twice about what I’m choosing to eat instead of ignoring that inner voice of wisdom and driving to Taco Bell anyway. And although it seems like it would be easy to eat something and not post a picture, I won’t hide anything because that feels like lying, which I’m not good at doing.

Feel free to follow me on my healing journey. My Instagram name is dmdbanana 🙂 I will be eating Paleo (scroll down to the “You talk about SCD a lot. What is it and what is the difference between SCD and Paleo?” question) and SCD (Specific Carbohydrate Diet) mostly, perhaps slightly modified since even with these diets most of us still have problem foods among the allegedly “safe” foods on these diets. Every body is different and unique after all! 🙂

Actions Change Things

For a little under 10 years now, I have been working on this whole self-care thing that everyone kept telling me was so important. So, when my dear friend, Rev. Michelle Wilkey, asked me to explore this question:

“How can you love yourself more today?”

I smiled and thought, “How perfect.” So much of what I do in my personal and professional life can be traced back to my passion of helping to pull people towards actions that are more loving towards themselves.

I see so many people looking for love and care outside of themselves and being so deeply hurt when they do not find it.

When I was 20, this would’ve described me to a T. I needed affirmation and love from others because that was the only place I was getting any sense of love and belonging. I think this is a fundamental human need, HOWEVER, this cannot be our only source of love or we will always come up lacking.

You can be a great source of comfort, love and belonging for yourself. This plus love from others creates a well spring of strength and joy.

So, how do you love yourself?

I have been reading “all about love” by bell hooks. She highlights the following definition of love from the work of Erich Fromm:

“He defines love as ‘the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.’ Explaining further, he continues: ‘Love is as love does. Love is an act of the will–namely, both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.'” 

Put simply, love is a verb. We love in action and choice.

You can love yourself more today by doing something for you–just you–that communicates the explicit message that you are valuable and worthy of your own tender care.

Answer this question: What do you enjoy doing, by yourself, just for you?

For me, one easy, cheap, go-to activity for sending myself the message that I am valuable and worthy of my own tender care is to take a candle-lit bubble bath. Sometimes I will fill a wine glass with cool water and drink that while I have a couple pieces of dark chocolate and just relax in the bath.

Other things that have worked for me:

• Walk to the park and swing on the swing set.
• Sit outside in the sun.
• Give myself a manicure or a pedicure.
• Cooking for myself. Just for me. Recently this has turned into a very self-loving action. I send myself the message that I am worth the time and effort it takes to make myself a healthy, good-all-the-way-down, meal. Then I store up the leftovers in the fridge and/or freezer so that I will get the message that I am cared for and valued the next day as well.

This summer my favorite self-loving activity has been my trips to the beach.

Try some things. Heck maybe even try some new things! Explore and discover what you like to do just for you. Then, do that thing.

And yes, it has to be a solitary activity. It can’t be hanging out with your friends. Of course, continue to hang out with your friends (as long as they are also sending you messages that you are worth their loving care), but these activities have to be solitary so that you know it is YOU that values YOU. Get it?

One last question I would like you to ponder as you, very likely, struggle to prioritize self-caring activities:

Do you believe that you are worthy of love and belonging?

…

If the answer is no, please know that you are not alone. Also, I am 100% certain that a great many people totally disagree. 🙂 This belief that we are unworthy is what holds us back in so many ways. Underneath it all, no matter what we might say or what others might say, we believe we are unworthy of love and belonging. (For more on this, check out Brene Brown.)

It took me years to flip this mental script. It was a long journey to the belief that I am worthy of love and belonging. In some ways I think I am still on that journey. And it started with me treating myself differently in practical, simple ways. Ways like the ones listed above. Once my actions started to change, my thoughts started to change.

Revealing this underlying belief sheds light on it and it cannot last forever in the light because it is only a shadow. It is an untruth. And so it cannot live in the warm glow of the light.

“Maybe one of these days you can let the light in and show me how big your brave is.” -Sara Bareilles, Brave

When we turn the tide of love towards ourselves, we let the light in and it will transform us. Slowly things will change. The mind follows the body. When you physically do good to yourself persistently and regularly, your mind will change accordingly.