Pursuing Disconnection

July 5, 2014 by maggiehugs 1 Comment

I seem to be a bit stuck with this whole healing thing. I’ve been quite good at eating well and I’ve been more physically active over the past few weeks. However, I have not done much writing or meditating. In other words, I’m only taking care of 2/3 of the health & healing puzzle. (I compartmentalize things just to make them easier for me to think about and asses my progress with.)

This whole blog started because I desperately needed to get a handle on the food that was going into my body so that my intestines could start healing. It has taken me quite some time and it has been quite a roller coaster of success and failure, but I feel much better most days and that, in my book, is a delightful win! 🙂

However, as I blogged, I realized that my body is also in need of some mental healing as well. And last October I really picked up the journaling and meditating like my life depended upon it–cuz it sort of did. That was when my ex left and I felt more than a bit overwhelmed. So, I started a daily routine of writing in the mornings as I woke, doing a devotional in the morning or the evening on most days and I would pray with my beads as well as meditate in the evenings before bed. –> This really, REALLY helped. I can’t even explain in all the ways this helped, but for one thing, I found my direction. I was able to see where I needed to be going and go there. I got really behind in all of my classes, but through the help of a wise friend, some grace-filled professors and some hard work on my part, I was able to catch up and finish the semester well. WOO! That’s another win!

But I think I got comfortable. I think my ego got a little out of control. I think, subconsciously, I thought I could get by without doing those things anymore. Because by the time January hit, these self care habits had gone by the wayside. I had abandoned them, thinking that I could do this life well without them.

Well sure, I can do life without them. But it’s going to suck more. I already feel a bit swept away by a tide I cannot see and don’t understand. So, it’s time to re-dedicate myself to those things that only I can do for myself and that only I can make a priority for me. It’s called self care and I’m still learning just how crucial it is.

I think part of the problem is that our society very strongly leans towards the pursuit of disconnection. Just think of all the ways that we are able to disconnect from our lives and from each other:

TV, Movies, Fast Food (no waiter to have to interact with or tip), Eating in front of a screen, Cell Phones (texting, etc.), the list goes on. How do you veg out and numb out? There are lots of ways. (Oh, and just fyi, I don’t think there is anything fundamentally wrong with these things, just that we over-do them. Or, at the very least, I over-do them! HA! It’s all about balance.)

Disconnection is the lazy person’s game. (Read: I am prone to being lazy.)

It means you don’t have to get into the nitty-gritty, hard work of being in relationship with one’s self or with each other or with your higher power. There’s no challenge, nothing to wrestle with, and you can just numb out.

I think I have been pursuing disconnection. I’ve been watching a lot of TV, ignoring the pages and books that cry out for my attention (they’re on the coffee table right in front of me right now, even). I’ve been avoiding the hard questions and the hard word of healing.

And you know what? It’s okay. I’m giving myself a bit of grace on this one. However, now I will do differently. Now, I will walk another path. Now, it is time to intentionally re-connect with myself and with my higher power (I call her “God,” most days).

It is time to pursue connection. Quality connection with people and things that give me energy, light and life.

And just to be clear, it’s not that there is no connection when I am pursuing disconnection. It’s just that the connection is weakened. I want the connection to be strong. I want the Holy Spirit to move back into my life and shake things up. It’s what the Holy Spirit’s good at, anyway. She’s got this. And so do I.

As the saying goes, with God’s help, I will. 🙂

 

Here’s a pic of me watching the sunset at my favorite beach (so far). That’s some self care right there! 🙂

 

And here’s a sunset pic. These are just…oh my lands, YES